Watch: No one has said "April Fool's" yet, so Dylan Mulvaney is Bud Light's new spokes...whatever
We didn't hit this over the weekend because this HAD to be an April Fool's prank. There is no way Bud Light could so misunderstand its audience or be so desperate for an ESG boost that they thought this was a good idea. Yet here we are the morning of April 3rd with no one saying April Fools. Dylan Mulvaney is the new spokesdylan for Bud Light.
Dylan brought us some Bud Lights so we can watch something called "March Madness." Dylan doesn't know what March Madness is. For you see, Dylan's definition of a girl is someone too vapid and stupid to care about college basketball or even know what is it. Dylan is only into real girl things like fashion and adultery and having a period.
This isn’t a parody. Dylan Mulvaney is now the face of Bud Light. pic.twitter.com/cpygA74cG5
— Ian Miles Cheong (@stillgray) April 2, 2023
To celebrate Dylan being a girl for 365 days, Bud Light even gave Dylan Dylan's own can. Here's what gives me much amusement over this decision. I'm racking my brain, and I can't think of a single girl who has celebrated at least 7,665 days of being a girl who ever got an endorsement deal, their own Bud Light commercial, or their own Bud Light can. Yet Dylan is a girl for a fraction of that and gets accolades. Looks like everything feminists said about the patriarchy is right!
The patriarchy goes man, woman born a man, woman born a man who recognizes how easy it is to become famous on TikTok, biological man who capes for women that were born men, woman. This stands in contrast to the left's pound-for-pound most marginalized rankings where trans is undefeated and undisputed at #1 and every other group battles it out to crack into the top five.
All we can hope at this point is for a whistleblower to leak about the decision-making process. Somewhere in a America, in a conference room, a group of marketing professionals pitched and discussed this idea as a good one. OR, one person made the suggestion, and everyone else was afraid to speak up.
Our DMs are open, whistleblowers. Do it for the content.
Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.
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