Poor Joe Biden. When they told him there was going to be little kids around while he pardoned turkeys, he probably circled the date on the calendar. They try to keep him away from little children because when Biden is around kids ... well, you know. But pardoning turkeys before Thanksgiving is a time-honored presidential tradition. It couldn't be avoided, and his advisors had to pray for the best. I'm sure Biden sang "Thank Heaven's for Little Girls" while he got ready and checked to make sure no one pooped in his pants yet.

After issuing his pardon, Biden spotted his prey. Little did he know THIS lil' girl was well versed in five different fighting styles.

LITTLE GIRL: What's that smell? Oh, God, it's Joe Biden. He may not feel it, but he has to at least smell it.

MOTHER: Be nice, he's the president.

LITTLE GIRL: He's coming this way. They warned me at snack time this might happen. Ever since the Suzie incident.

JOE BIDEN: Hi, little girl, I'm Jill Biden's husband. Let me touch you while I sniff your hair.

LITTLE GIRL: Wax on! F*ck off, you old creep! HI-YAH!

I'm sure CNN's resident "fact" "checking" stooge is hard at work debunking this video. Ten bucks say the excuse will be she was shooing away a bumblebee and NOT blocking Joe Biden's unwanted advances. Also, she had no business being there, and her mother drove her across state lines to get to the White House. Therefore, she can't claim self-defense. The bottom line is Joe Biden did nothing wrong, and the little girl was asking for it. Or something like that.

The moral of this story: keep your kids away from mentally unstable old men. Or, if it can't be avoided, and President Stranger Danger is lurking around, make sure they are at least a yellow belt in karate.

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Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.

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