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March 21, 2021
Monopoly's Getting Woke Update, Wants YOU to Vote on It
The board game Monopoly was capitalism in its purest and most beautiful form. You buy up a lot of real estate. You make a profit by renting it to others. The game isn't over until you have all the money. Monopoly has always been perfect. So of course, Hasbro wants to give it a "woke" upgrade. After (allegedly) attempting to groom children with Troll dolls and turning Mr. Potato Head into a gender non-conforming Brian Stelter doll, it was Monopoly's turn. At issue is the "Community Chest" cards. Things like winning a beauty contest or getting tax breaks aren't touchy-feely enough. So the company wants you to vote on new cards:
The world has changed a lot since Monopoly became a household name more than 85 years ago, and clearly today community is more important than ever. We felt like 2021 was the perfect time to give fans the opportunity to show the world what community means to them through voting on new Community Chest Cards. We're really excited to see what new cards get voted in!
Here are some examples of what you can vote on. These are screen captures taken from the website.
These just don't make a lick of sense. I support shopping local, it's still cheaper to order things on Amazon. Shopping local would mean you have less money. I don't know where these extra two-hundred bucks are coming from. Maybe you find someone's wallet. And if you're raising money for a hospital, shouldn't that money go to the hospital too? Unless, like with a lot of non-profits, the $200 is going to cover administrative costs. Think about all those sick children in the local hospital who could use that $200. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?
If you think volunteering for a "home improvement project" is going to teach you enough valuable skills to do repairs on your income properties, a) you're a nincompoop, b) you watch too much HGTV, and c) it's going to cost you a hell of a lot more than a $115. With the other card, exactly how many international students are they expecting you to host that it's costing you PER house and PER hotel? If students are staying at your place, someone should be paying you for it. Unless of course, you're the Biden administration with a loose translation of "international students."
Here's where leftists usually chirp up and say, "blah blah blah, stupid conservatives outraged over a board game." No one is outraged. We're just pointing out how stupid decisions like this are, and mocking it accordingly. The people who think pandering to woke zoomers to get them to buy a board game are the same chuckleheads who convinced David Hogg he could launch a pillow company made with feelings. I've also got an orange $500 bill and a "Get Out of Jail Free" card that says the people Hasbro is trying to pander to thinks this is stupid as well.
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