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April 04, 2023
Watch: Bro rips beers pregaming the Trump Indictment, as no one is sure what the 34 charges are
Today is the day when Donald Trump is going to be arraigned in Manhattan. Since the former president flew in yesterday, that was when the pregaming began thanks to Nick Watts and Old Row. You may know Old Row as the young rousers of rabble who started the f*ck Joe Biden chants and had the location Biden fell off his bike turned into a National landmark. Also, introducing us oldheads to words like "borg."
Nick Watts was live on the scene to get the darty started early.
Darty of the fucking century at Trump Tower, absolute movie out there today. Darty SZN in full effect! pic.twitter.com/iY5xdzxXFy
— Nick Watts (@internwatts) April 3, 2023
A "darty" is a daytime party. Commonly referred to as day drinking or pregaming. I just hope Nick is careful with the open container. This is Alvin Bragg's Manhattan, where violent criminals walk free yet you can be charged with murder for shooting someone who shot you first. A white male caught with a Modello could be a double felony: equity and cultural appropriation.
Plus you want to stay sober for when the 34 charges are ACTUALLY read. No one knows what Trump has been charged with yet. Not that it has stopped CNN and MSNBC from polling people if they agree with the Trump indictment that hasn't been made public. 60% of CNN's audience approves of Trump getting indicted even without knowing why. Go figure.
While the headlines will read "34 CHARGES!!!!," it's a question of how serious or ridiculous each charge is. Nick Arama from Redstate gives an example:
So let’s assume for the moment in this alleged “falsification of business records” charge, that Trump had to file a form that had signatures or initials on the same form multiple times. Each signature/initial could be counted as a potential charge, even if it’s all on the same form and just one incident. So if you had a 34-page form with signatures or initials on each page, you could potentially make 34 charges out of it. We’ll know when we see the real indictment to see precisely what they are talking about. It’s also a bit of flooding of the jury, all they would have to agree to is one to convict. This increases that possibility.
A good number of the 34 charges could be every time Trump scribbled "DJT" on a document. No one knows, and no one is going to know until 2:00 PM or so today.
My advice as someone who has dartied hard in his day (I've survived two SantaCons) is to pace yourself. We have the lead-up to the arraignment, the arraignment, and THEN Trump's speech back at Mar-a-Lago tonight. Don't be the guy who is passed out before Trump gets to the courthouse.
Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.
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