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Donald TrumpFebruary 14, 2021
Ted Cruz Presents Five Hysterical Questions that SHOULD Have Been Asked at Impeachment Trial
Donald Trump was acquitted of yet another impeachment on Saturday. To the dismay of many a cranky Democrat. Trump's acquittal was always the likeliest result, but it didn't come without some drama. At some point, the House managers wanted to call witnesses. The Senate said that if the House got to call witnesses they wanted to call them too. Or, something like that. I'm oversimplifying just to get to where Senator Ted Cruz had some free time. Like many of us when we're bored, Cruz hopped on Twitter. He swears these are all serious questions that serious senators wanted to ask.
Thread: Chaos at the impeachment trial.
Dems had agreed to know witnesses, then House Managers changed their mind this morning.
Schumer blindsided. Pandemonium. They're negotiating now to figure out next steps.
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) February 13, 2021
Pretty sure Cruz means NO witnesses. Only sharing this because a) typos happen to the best of us, and b) negotiations over Section 230 should include demanding an edit tweet function from Jack Dorsey.
4/x Q2: “Can we build the Keystone Pipeline if we add Hunter Biden to the board?"
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) February 13, 2021
I'm not sure having H*nt*r B*d*n anywhere near any pipe is an intelligent idea. But hey, if it means his dad will stop (allegedly) putting people out of work, it might be worth it.
6/x Q4: “(generic) Have any of the House Managers had sexual relations with a Chinese communist spy? Please explain."
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) February 13, 2021
You can read more on what Cruz is talking about here. But if you needed any further evidence what a joke the trial was, Eric Swalwell was one of the managers. Yes, the same Swalwell who was caught having a sexual relationship with a CHINESE SPY! I'm actually upset they didn't call witnesses on Saturday. I would have called Fang Fang to testify, but not say anything. Just stare at Swalwell and make him feel very uncomfortable.
7/x Q5: “If we put him in a burlap sack & throw him in the river, and he does not float, must we convict?"
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) February 13, 2021
This is my greatest source of the disappointment of the Trump attorneys. Democrats allegedly had a Hollywood crew make a video. Trump's team should have done a parody of the "she's a witch" scene from Monty Python's Holy Grail. I know a Trump impersonator they could have gotten.
Cruz stopped at only five questions. He must have been called back to work to once again find Donald Trump not guilty. This is a shame because I'd love to know what else got rejected. "Does Nancy Pelosi really smell like old lady farts?" "Is Jamie Raskin still upset at his parents for giving him a girl's name?" "Could someone please explain what's going on in WandaVision to Senator Rubio?" The American people,e deserve real answers!
Also, Donald Trump is a back to back world champion. Trump: 2, Pelosi: 0. In case that point wasn't made clear.
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