Presenting 2019's Top Five Silliest Stories
Merry Post Christmas, and sugar-coma blessings to you and your kin who devoured treats as if calories were merely a societal construct. I don't know about you, but the pumpkin bread, candies, toffee, cookies, chips and dip and steak dinner I shoved into my face yesterday all identified as kale. So I should be fine. Beauty is on the inside of my stretch pant's straining waistline. Anyhoodles, it's time for another top five list because they're fun, my brain is foggy, your brain is foggy, and the only cure for all of that is a listicle of the top five silliest stories from 2019. At least the ones I can recall in such a pre-diabetic state of mind.
FIVE - Pretty Young Thing Trudeau Goes Black Won't Crack
We always knew Justin Trudeau has all the masculinity of Barbie's pink convertible. But what we didn't know was that in his younger-than-now years, Justin did the blackface not once but apparently three times. According to the Social Justice Handbook, Justin Trudeau is a racist. Except according to the Social Justice Decoder Ring, Trudeau being a dutiful leftist cancels out his obvious racism. See, if one supports gun control, transgenderism, feminism after transgenderism, and the systemic killing of unborn children, a little bit of racism can be overlooked. All hail the pale face Boy Scout with the cans of black makeup.
FOUR - Drag Queens Twerk and Tell Stories to Tots
To be fair, this stupidity of men dressed as horrific ladies and "reading" to children got started in previous years, but seemed to really take off in 2019. In fact, it's possible 2019 could be the Year of the Tallywhacker Tucked Tranny, for all the publicity they received, courtesy of conservative media. Here are some classics you'll never forget:
THREE - Extinction Rebellion Makes the Case Humanity is Past its Expiration Date
Though I give them ten points for name creativity, the global climate change hotheads over in Europe, mainly it seems in the United Kingdom, got up to all kinds of hijinks this year. Including but not limited to gluing themselves to things (like the ground), spraying fake blood all over themselves on accident, jumping on trains and being pulled down from those trains, and getting spanked by Piers Morgan. Ergo their collective exercise in silliness has earned them a spot on my list. Though watching them makes me wonder why we, as a species, should rebel extinction.
Like this gem:
- WATCH: Climate Zealots Block Morning Commute, Commuters Strike Back
- WATCH: Climate Hippy Protesting Train is Asked 'Did You Take a TRAIN to Get Here?'
- Crazy Climate Alarmists Accidentally Make the Case Maybe Humans Deserve Extinction
- WATCH: Climate Activist Twerks for The Planet
- Piers Morgan Grills 'Extinction Rebellion' Co-Leader on Her Personal Carbon Footprint
TWO - "Cow Farts" Make It Into a "Serious" Legislation, The Green New Deal
Yes, America's answer to "How do we make the internet term 'lol' into a living, breathing, sentient being" created her own legislation this year, putting it on Nancy Pelosi's figurative refrigerator all by herself. Such a big girl. That's right, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, serious person doing serious things, not only gave the hand to Jeff Bezos and his silly billion dollar business, Amazon, she also gave us the Green New Deal. Which, in addition to saying we should totally stop using planes and stuff, we should also eliminate cow farts. As in bovine boofs. The gaseous passing of hamburger on the hoof. Then, sometime after calling for America to hit all the cows releasing silent but deadlies, AOC got all kinds of super mad that she wasn't taken seriously, then was, then wasn't. Review before 2020 drops this year like a cow unburdens itself all over the planet.
- Crowder Reads “The Green New Deal” in Full
- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Refers to Republicans as Fools For Response to Green New Deal
- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Throws a Tantrum Because People Aren’t Taking Her Green New Deal Seriously
- Chief of Staff for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Admits Green New Deal isn’t About Climate Change
ONE - A Woman Who is Stunning and Brave Demands It Has Its Female Testicles Waxed
I was going to give the honor to the GameStop tranny, but "It's Ma'am" actually happened at the very tail end of 2018, so it didn't make the cutoff. But here to swing his way into transgender glory is Jessica Yaniv. He's the Canadian man-lady who is so uncomfortable with his male anatomy, he wants women to touch it, hold it, wax it, look upon it.
- Transgender 'Woman' Sues Businesses for Refusing to Wax 'Her' Genitalia
- Transgender Activist Wants to Hold Topless Pool Party for 12-Year-Olds
- JUSTICE: Jessica Yaniv Loses Battle Forcing Estheticians to Wax His Bits
- Alex Jones Hosted Jessica Yaniv About #PenisWaxGate. It's Spectacular.
Honorable mentions that weren't quite silly enough but are not forgotten:
Nathan Phillips toothlessly drums in the face of a smirking teenage Trumper and exposes media and its sycophantic lackeys. Check out Top Ten WORST Reactions to the Covington Catholic Teen March for Life Video and Joy Behar Admits Media Ran with Covington Story Because They Hate Trump.
Ricky Gervais mocks the Canadian "transgender" Jessica Yaniv who sued ladies for not waxing her lovely lady lumps. Check out Ricky Gervais Defends REAL Women Against Trans Creep Who Wanted His Balls Waxed and Ricky Gervais Mocks Creepy Jessica Yaniv with Halloween Costume Joke.