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May 01, 2020
New Jersey Gym Owner Faces Jail Time for Letting People Work Out
The worst part of the WHO coronavirus Wuhan flu shutdown brouhaha is that gyms are shut down. Sure, the people dying thing sucks. Not being able to work and provide for your family can be mentally taxing. But nowhere near as mentally taxing as it is to not be able to regularly work out. Many of us are stuck at home, doing kettle bell swings with boxes of kitty liter, and wondering if our gyms miss us as much as we miss them. It's a struggle. One New Jersey gym owner was allegedly letting people work out for a little bit.
Janice Lauria is now facing a fine and jail time for doing so (see also WISCONSIN POLICE OFFICERS BERATE A MOTHER FOR ALLOWING HER CHILD TO VISIT A FRIEND and POLICE APPROACH DALLAS SALON OWNER WHO WOULDN'T COMPLY WITH 'NON-ESSENTIAL' WORK ORDER). Quite frankly, this woman is a SHEro and should accordingly be treated as such.
Her son said that no customers have worked out since the gym closed and that police explained the business was permitted to continue to sell energy drinks and protein bars. Cops said they began watching the gym after getting complaints that it was still open.
Seriously, fuck all you snitches. You are the guy who does bicep curls in the squat rack of life. No one has, or will, ever like you.
On Tuesday, officers said they saw an opaque covering on the gym's front windows, preventing people from looking inside. When police spoke with people who walked out of the fitness center, they admitted the owner allowed them to enter through a side door to work out inside, authorities said. [Her son] said police never entered the gym or saw anyone using gym equipment, adding that his family has donated energy drinks to local nurses working overnight shifts at local hospitals.
How much do you wanna bet the snitch was someone named Karen who was sitting in line at the Starbucks drive-thru? Because she just can't live without her nonfat latte. And she thinks she's fooling everyone with the nonfat part. Seeing people leaving the gym happy because they got a workout made her more of a miserable person than she normally is, so she called the cops. At least, that's what I imagine happened.
We've learned a lot about our neighbors during this pandemic. Not all of it has been good. It's also weird that wanting to stay in business is increasingly looking like an act of civil disobedience.
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