To set the stage, picture it. Austria. 2020. "Mr. AB" was hanging out at the park with friends. They were approached by police officers doing a "routine identity check." I guess that's a thing they do in Austria. That's when we discover Mr. AB may have been eating beans for lunch, which we all know is the musical fruit. Here's what happened next, according to how it's explained in the LEGAL COURT DOCUMENT.
"When he released the intestinal gas, the complainant was sitting on a park bench. He then lifted his buttocks and tensed up a little before letting the intestinal gas escape."
Okay, you may continue.
"The complainant's friends laughed at the intestinal gas and witness F made a joke. Due to the resulting entertainment from the intestinal gas, the defendant grinned at the officers."
What we learn as kids remains true. Farts always equal funny. If you can boof on someone, it's quality A material. However, the police officer in question was not amused that Mr. AB busted ass. For this unfortunate stinker, Mr. AB was fined the equivalent of six hundred American dollars.
Mr. AB appeared before a judge and, while claiming it was an accident, stated that shouldn't matter. Mr. AB believes his butt trumpet was covered under freedom of expression. The judge disagreed and made the following LEGAL RULING.
While farts and burps can cause "social inappropriateness" they do not contain "communicative content," and even if they did, it would still be considered "a form of expression that transcends the boundaries of decency."
The judge still found leniency on the unfortunate stinker standing before him and reduced the fine to $120.
But that's not enough for Mr. AB. His belief that his anal acoustics are protected speech is a hill he's willing to die on. This decision WILL be appealed to a higher court. Quote his attorney:
"It's a matter of principle for us, because it's petty to get a punishment for a fart."
Indeed. It is petty to get punishment for a fart. That's why every day I thank God for the First Amendment. Our Founding Fathers had the foresight to put in a legal document my rights to toot, shart, or otherwise rip one without repercussions from an oppressive government. Then years later, women were given the right to queef under the 19th Amendment.
Cheers to Mr. AB. Please keep this freedom fighter in your thoughts and prayers as he attempts to shock the system. With farts.