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December 09, 2022
Dude robs convenience store with a giant football head and authorities need your help
Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Be on the lookout for the notorious Football Head. He was last seen in Ponca City, Oklahoma where he held up a convenience store at gunpoint. Football Head is considered armed and dangerous.
Also, he has a football for a head. A football. For a head.
Friends, gather around and let Uncle Brodigan share some wisdom with you. I know the holiday shopping season can be tough in the best of times, let alone during the Joe Biden times. Christmas presents are expensive and you have less money to buy them with. There may come a time when you feel your only option is to rob a convenience store. Don't. Crime is bad. Also, you risk catching a beating.
But should you decide to knock over the local Kwik-E-Mart anyway, please, I'm begging you, for the love of God...find a better way to conceal your identity than a giant football head.
Please join me in praying to the deity or deities of content that upon the notorious Football Head's capture, video of him being questioned by authorities leaks to the interwebs. Because we all have to know, was his normal ski mask at the cleaners? Did he send his young brother out to buy him a mask, only the brother didn't quite grasp the assignment? Did he lose at fantasy football and this was the punishment because his friends are all dicks?
Tell us your story, Football Head. Once you're in jail and on the wrong end of an illegal use of hands penalty, it will be too late.
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