‘I S*** on Myself’: Porch Pirate Learns the Hard Way When Marine Riggs Amazon Package to Explode
There are few things as amazing as watching someone immediately receive their comeuppance. There’s something eminently satisfying about watching someone who feels comfortable performing an action that everyone knows is wrong only to be swiftly dealt a huge helping of well-deserved retribution.
Who better to deal out such righteous justice than a United States Marine, who has had more than enough of people stealing his packages from his porch. I’m not saying he handled the situation in the most legal fashion, nor will I say this is the best way to deal with porch thieves. However, I will say that I’m glad he went about it the way he did because it’s hilarious.
Dude shits himself after trying to steal package pic.twitter.com/2qweWxFeQN
— Detect Fights 💕 (@detectfights) May 7, 2023
“Marine Corps, n****!”
I don’t know what makes this video funnier: the initial explosion of the flashbang sending the thief to the ground, the fact that he sh*t himself, or the marine who continues to yell from inside. All of it is amazing.
The world works in a mysterious way, doesn’t it? How exactly did human feces become a theme for 2022? Amber Turd… Poopetrator… This douchenozzle… What exactly is God trying to tell us? I’ll have to ask my priest the next time I see him, but I digress.
“I love how he just concedes defeat and lays on the man’s balcony, who he was just trying to rob, in a puddle of his own feces.”
Yes, there’s so much to appreciate in this video.
Maybe Best Buy needs to hire this man to start booby-trapping their merchandise. It might go a long way to preventing the need for employees to step in to stop thieves. However, it might require them to pay the janitorial staff a little better, seeing as how flashbangs seem to cause crooks to vacate their bowels.
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