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Putin Threatens America With New Missile, Crashes During Latest Attempt

Nichole Cooper
March 02, 2018

We thought the world had learned its lesson -- don't threaten the U.S. with nuclear-level destruction. The "fire and fury" comment and all. Complete obliteration by white fire doesn't intimidate some people. No worries. Embarrassment works for those prideful cockalorums.

Vladamir Putin was caught bragging about a new missile, only to have a different kind of explosive hit him in the facial region.

A video was played during the speech showing off the weapon’s alleged capabilities, reported RT, Russian state media. Putin said other countries only listen to Russia when it creates new weapons systems, reported Sputnik, another of Russia’s state organs. “You will listen to us now,” he added.

Russia claims the missile can hit anywhere in the U.S., inflicting damage to an area the size of Texas. Also, it can't be stopped by missile defense shields. Suuuuure.

The Pentagon said Thursday the U.S. was "not surprised" by the new nuclear missile systems disclosed Thursday by Russian President Vladimir Putin and said “the American people should rest assured that we are fully prepared.”

A U.S. official says Russia's new nuclear-powered cruise missile is still being tested and has crashed in recent testing.

Let this be a lesson, kids. Don't brag about your new toy if it's, for example, made in China. Cheap. Easily breakable. This should also teach Putin not to count his fluffy Easter chicks until they've hatched. Or crashed.

Trump's explosive and volatile nature (good or bad) is consistent with a weapon of mass casualties. Thus, his understanding of the nuclear game is on par. The world should know not to mess with America, or the many badass tools at our fingertips.

The Pentagon has made it clear they have control of the situation. We aren't worried. The erected missile's failure was likely due to doping. 'Tis the Russian way.

Trump and Russia go way back. An affair older than Nancy Pelosi. Watch the romantic story below.

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