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Are there more important stories we could be covering? Sure, I guess. But it's not like you can't use a break from Iran, the Islamification of NYC, and John Thune selling out Americans on voter ID. Plus, generally speaking, when we here at the Louder with Crowder Dot Com website write about testicles, it involves a dude whipping them out in the girls' bathroom and Democrats supporting them doing so. It's nice to have someone put their balls to good use.

John Stephenson, a 50-year-old kickboxer, shattered a glass ceiling, becoming the first bloke to pull a two-ton car with nothing but his dong. Technically, he didn't use his entire one-eyed trouser snake, piece of pork, wife's best friend, his Percy or his cock (he's British, so I'm biting off of the Monty Python song). He just used his nuts WHILE munching on nuts. Different nuts, but we appreciate the sight gag.

Rest assured, everything is ok! Stephen says that while his "plums were bright purple," everything is still "firing on all cylinders."

The question is, what in the name of Noodles would possess someone to pull a car with his penis? Which, apropos of nothing, is a funnier word to say than any of the euphemisms.

Stephen showed his testicular fortitude for YOU! He did it to draw attention to men's mental health.

Don't be afraid to pick up the phone and ask for help if you think you need it. A lot of men don't, and they feel like they've got an ego to maintain. They don't talk and let their problems get the better of them. I always say that men who talk can heal.

While focusing on men's mental health is an important topic, pulling heavy objects with your genitals isn't for everyone. Speaking as a fellow fifty-year-old, I'll stick with lifting weights, journaling, and spending time with my niece and nephew. That said, if John can pull a car with the family jewels to draw attention to mental health, you can check in on your boys to make sure they're good.

Your actual boys. Not, like, your "boys." Though why wait for Testicular Cancer Awareness Month to do that too?

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Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.

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