Welcome to the "So and so blasts their haters" rebuttal post: episode SCHUMER. If you're at all familiar with this website, and I mean just an iota of familiarity, you know we love Amy Schumer. Any time the "strong" hambeast strings together a cogent phrase (or not so cogent) we can't wait to share the news with all of you lovelies. Most recently I wrote about how
Amy Schumer is slated to play the iconic plastic toy, Barbie
in a live action movie. You can dress her hair, she'll undress everywhere. Well apparently our post, and posts which struck the same sardonic chord, have inspired Amy to "speak out" in attempts to "silence the haters." Pretty sure that's how HuffPo will title their coverage of Amy's latest woe. How did Amy Schumer "blast her critics" you're wondering? By posting a distant paparazi swimsuit shot with commentary, strangely lacking in commas.
I suppose the photo is better than the nearly naked one from last year
Lemme save you the trouble of having to read the entire post: we wouldn't mock Amy Schumer with titles like "SHEILD YOUR EYES" if Amy Schumer wasn't a liberal troll who made a career out of calling herself a slutty fatty McFatterson, while also trying to undermine our Second Amendment rights, insulting our intelligence, or flat out lecturing the rest of us about Hillary Clinton's sterling pro-feminist record. All of which she's done, while being unfunny. Here, a list:
But since Amy has zero qualms about "putting herself out there" with both her pudgy nakedness, her proud slutness, or her "pro-feminist" rants, we at Louder with Crowder have just as many qualms for calling her out on her hypocritical dung pile of bovine feces. Behold, a photo of said slutness:
Pro-tip to any overly sensitive public figures who would rather not be mocked or ridiculed for said public figure status: Firstly, know your audience. Secondly, keep your thighs or otherwise not at all photogenic body wrapped up like a Christmas present. Be that with fabric, a skirt, or discarded potato sack. Recycling. Thirdly, don't make your career out of "I'm a fat slut!" then get all hurty when someone else points out you're a fat slut who is as qualified to play a version of a tall skinny doll as a large sea-dwelling mammal. Maybe even less so. Otherwise it's fair game, my lady. Man the harpoons.
Lastly, to Amy who called her critics "trolls." Refer back to the list above. Especially the stories where you mock anyone who isn't an abortion-loving liberal. Then remember how you trolled us when you said you'd flee the country if Trump won. If ever you're left wondering what a troll is, seek an un-cracked mirror.
But hey, nice attempt at trying to sound magnanimous. Keep trying, though. Practice makes... well. You know.