The year is 2016. Are you triggered? Because it’s also 2016 Anno Domini. The year of our Lord. Talk about exclusionary. What about the atheists who don’t believe in our Lord? We should throw out our year-marking system. Separation between church and date!
Because yes, the world has gone completely mad. The planet, it’s ruined. The stupid, it’s rampant. The overly-sensitive, it’s pandemic.
In the year of 2016, it’s now permissible to believe you’re the opposite sex. If that’s not enough, you can regress and become a toddler. Still not enough? I get it. Being a human sucks. Bills, taxes, responsibilities, using words? No. Adopt the lifestyle of a dog. Wait…dogs are triggering? I GET IT. Introducing yourself to other dogs might leave crap on one’s nose. Luckily 2016 has a solution for you. Identify as a cat. You can chase laser pointers and lick your own genitals sans-judgement.
Wait… you’re allergic to cats? We have you covered. Become a dragon-lady (yes that’s actually a thing). The ultimate in identity metamorphoses. Be a man, become a woman, become a dragon. Fly away from reality with everyone else on planet Earth.
The introduction of this column serves as a mere illustration of the nut house our culture has become. It’s a Who’s Who of parading circus freaks, while the ringmaster snaps his whip at the audience, demanding they call the gaggle of weird “normal.”
Enough. I’m done. Fed up. If you’re a man, you’re a man. You’re not a cat, a dog, a dragon lady, a six year old girl, or your own mother. You’re just a man, and a sucky one at that. Look in the mirror. Then look down between your legs.
You’re a man. We’re done here.
Ladies, if you have a vagina, you’re not a cat, a dog, a dragon lady. You were once a six year old girl, sure, but this little thing called AGING, kicked in. You’re not six anymore. Deal with it. Be a woman, suck it up, stop demanding everyone cave to your crazy. Real life isn’t a soap opera. If you’re offended because you think I just used a stereotype, then find yourself a gym. Go pick up something heavy. Do it until you’re tired. Then shut up. I say that with love. Just kidding. If you can’t shut up, pick up something heavy. Drop it on your head. That I do say with love.
Calling out reality isn’t hate speech. It’s time we stop caving to the bullish crazies on the left. Calling a dude “sir,” when that dude packs a penis in his dress, isn’t hate. It’s reality (read Transgender Violently Threatens Ben Shapiro… For Calling Him ‘Sir’?!). Don’t let them bully you into delusion.
To you white people with perms and spray tans identifying as black people (see Rachel Dolezal Admits Being “Born White.” Exposes Hypocrisy of the Left… and CAUGHT: #BlackLivesMatter Activist Shaun King is Actually White). YOU’RE NOT BLACK. YOU’RE WHITE. Enough. Like I advised the confused fecalpatties above, I also advise you find a reflective surface. Before you bitch to me, don’t.
But see, rather than loons getting the professional help they need, starting with a frogmarch out of their home by kind men in white coats, these batshit turds are thrown in front of a computer and handed writing jobs at major publications. They’re spewing their drivel to audiences with brains made of packing peanuts.
No, that’s the wrong approach. They need a first class ticket to the insane asylum. I’ll donate $25,000,000,000,000,000 to the cause. Using nothing but one dollar bills. All of which conveniently identify as trillion dollar notes.
Here’s where the poopstorm goes from category one to full diarrhea. We have students demanding we do away with the First Amendment… Whilst ironically (if blissfully unaware) exercising their own First Amendment right through their never-ending, prepubescent (and/or estrogen-replacement-therapy) whining. School administrators tuck their tails between their legs and oblige (Dean Fired Merely For Saying ‘Offensive’ Book Title). Whatever these spineless ninny administrators identify as (sand crabs?), they are responsible for the new species of SJW moron. Behold, the TrigglyPuff.
Again, no. I’m sorry you’re a failure. Actually I’m not. You’re a failure if you believe you’re owed what belongs to someone else. I’m sorry that you’ve been given credibility, when you’re little more than a bitch-baby. Even if you’re a super feely bitch-baby wearing a Che Guevara shirt. Do not pretend to be compassionate while wearing the countenance of a murderer on your chest.
For the first time in our history, we have an entire generation of Americans fighting for… Nothing. They’re not really fighting anyway, they’re whining. They’re whining for less rights. They’re whining to strip the freedoms of anyone who disagrees with them. These nazis of delusion carry on unfettered because leftists of previous generations needed their vote. So they pandered. The emperor stripped off his robes ala Magic Mike and transformed into a cat.
But no. I’m tapping out. I will not allow these nazis of delusion to dictate what is and isn’t true. Truth is truth. Gender is binary. Race doesn’t change. You cannot be another species other than what you were born as. Stupid, yes. Another species, no.
Reality is reality. No more chasing the florescent rabbit down the hole of weird. We must stop. We must call out crazy when we see it. Starting right now.
~Written by Courtney Kirchoff (not a crazy person)