ISIS Orders Fighters to Avoid Coronavirus-Infected Countries ... Wait, What?!
Everyone around the world is changing their routine over the coronavirus, some more drastically than others (see Ted Cruz Has One Simple Way to Help During Coronavirus Social Distancing and The Entire City of San Francisco Is Shutting Down for Three Weeks). It's gotten so bad, even ISIS has had to send out guidelines. Basically, if you were planning on doing terrorism in a coronavirus-infected country, don't do that.
The latest edition of the terror group's newsletter, Al-Naba, calls on its fighters to "stay away from the land of the epidemic," Homeland Security Today recently reported.
"The healthy should not enter the land of the epidemic and the afflicted should not exit from it," the editors of the newsletter stated.
The newsletter also offered militants advice on how to avoid getting infected, including "cover the mouth when yawning and sneezing" and "wash the hands before dipping them into vessels." There's a full-page graphic on the back cover that cites Islamic texts for "directives to deal with epidemics."
Sadly, even terrorists need to shelter in place, sacrificing finally seeing their 27 virgins. Or is it 72 virgins? I can never remember. I also imagine that the [solve for x amount] of virgins all look like Tess Holliday and that when the terrorist finally receives his reward, he realizes that he totally wasted his life. Because, honestly, f*ck ISIS.
It does help keep things in perspective. You may think you have it rough because your 47 four-packs of toilet paper won't get you through this pandemic. There are others in this world who are unable to carry out their basic job functions. So please, I'm begging you, when you want to complain about how tough it is that you are stuck in the house with your family, think of the poor ISIS fighters.