Ten local Washington DC thugs are about to hate their lives. Of all the government employees they could randomly decide to carjack, they chose Big Balls. Now, President Trump is getting involved, and the legend of Big Balls grows while the man wonders why he's still living in DC. First, he has his name besmirched by the left and the media (but I repeat myself) so that the GOP could suck at life and barely do anything about the DOGE cuts. And now he gets jumped defending his lady friend.

If you don't know Big Balls...

Big Balls also goes by the nickname "Edward Coristine." When Elon Musk road into DC with his DOGE team to cut spending, and the media and the left (but I repeat myself) went on the attack (most likely at the behest of every leftist special interest NGO who was about to see the gravy train dry up), they focused a lot of their anger at Big Balls. Why? Because his name was Big Balls.

• Watch: CNN seethes over "Big Balls," the teen exposing the government with Elon Musk and Doge. Yes, we said "Big Balls"
• Bolstered by media outrage, "Big Balls" lands a new government job and it involves Marco Rubio
• 'Big Balls' leads infurinating DOGE roundtable about uncovered fraud... including at a heavily armed "Institute For Peace"

That brings us to this past weekend, where Big Balls was enjoying a night out on the town. As he and his lady friend were heading to their car, ten thugs attacked. Sensing danger, Big Balls pushed the girl in the car for safety, then turned to face the "juveniles."

“At that point, for her safety, [Coristine] pushed his significant other … into the vehicle and turned to deal with the suspects,” the dramatic report continues.

Officers patrolling the 1400 block of Swann St, NW – a popular area with several shops, bars and restaurants about a mile north of the White House – noticed “a group of approximately ten juveniles surrounding the complainants’ vehicle and assaulting [Coristine],” the report states.

“The officers immediately exited their vehicle, and the juveniles began fleeing on foot,” police said.

Unamused in all this is President Trump, who is threatening to federalize the city to do something about the rampant crime. The elected officials who run the city don't care, as they continue to enact policies that contribute to the crime. The people who live in the city don't seem to care either, because they keep electing the same morons over and over again. Trump says Enough is enough.

Two of the thugs have been arrested, who are no doubt snitching on the other eight. They are all believed to range from 13- to 15-years old.

Big Balls suffered a concussion. A small price to pay for becoming a legend.

Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.

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