Have you ever stubbed your toe, bumped your funny bone on a door jam, or bonked your head on that cupboard door your spouse just can’t seem to learn to shut? There’s no reason to feel that agonizing, torturous, simply inconvenient and temporary pain anymore! Big Pharma knows that slight aches and pains can be annoying and really bum you out for a few minutes, so they’ve developed Opioids^TM.

Opioids^TM is the solution to all that physically ails you.

Does your knee hurt after scrapping it on the asphalt trying to show your punk kid that you can still do a kickflip? Opioids^TM!

Did that stupid ferret your daughter begged you to buy her bite you after burrowing a hole into your brand new $10,000 couch? Opioids^TM!

Were you just shot by a stray round in another drive-by shooting in Southside Chicago? Opioids^TM!

But this wonder drug developed by your friends over at Big Pharma not only treats any and all physical injuries, soreness, and aches, it also treats all manner of psychological pain, too!

Are you depressed and just want to numb yourself into a stupor? Sometimes the daily grind can really weigh on your shoulders and not in any real way, but the kind of way that makes you just want to get stoned out of your mind. Opioids^TM has the high you need to float yourself right out of reality after a hard day at the office.

Athlete’s foot, gingivitis, hangnail: Opioids^TM treats all of these!

Take one to take the edge off or down a few to block out everything, including that yapping dog your neighbor just adopted to piss you off!

WARNING: Opioids^TM is a very addictive substance that probably won’t solve any of your underlying issues and should probably never be taken at all, but we need something to continue bringing in giant profits and drugging you people out of your minds seems to have worked for us thus far. Side effects may include tingling, numbness, light-headedness, liver failure, stroke, heart failure, heart attack, spontaneous combustion, psychotic break, talking to dogs about committing murder, or death.

Talk to your doctor today about Opioids^TM!

Totally REAL Opioids Commercial! Sponsored by Big Pharma! | Louder With Crowderwww.youtube.com

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