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Sorry Celebrities, You're Not as Important as You Think You Are
Yes, you may be talented. Yes, most of you are so gosh darn purdy. And yes, you have more money than Donald Trump has personal insults. But these three things, while helpful in the glitzy glam world of entertainment, do not translate into actual influence. Repeat it to yourself as you stand before one of your thirteen mirrors.
I'm happy to be the one to break it to you, but last night's election results were actually a referendum on you idiots: the patronizing, pompous pretty people who take it upon themselves to pontificate to the rest of us about our politics. The alliteration there was purposeful, placed there to pester. I'm here all day.
Sure, if you're surrounded by boot-licking kissasses looking to please your majesties, the concept of lacking actual importance is a notion better left unthought. Not that many of you spend too much time considering anything outside of yourselves. But someone has to break this troubling news to you professionally pretty morons, lest your overly-inflated self-worths come crashing down on you next election cycle. Like a rhinoplasty gone wrong. Deviated septum my ass.
The American people do not turn to celebrities, such as yourselves, for political advice or hot takes. Nor do Americans need for you to remind them to "get out and vote." Such videos are probably just another excuse to stand in front of a camera. See also Top 10 Desperate Celebrity Appeals to Vote in Midterm Elections.
The American people turn to you to be entertained. Which, yes, is an important role to play in an era which takes itself far too seriously. But it is for that reason, the need to escape the real world and its politics, the people turn to you, the entertainers.
At some point, many of you confused people becoming fans of your work with people becoming fans of your thoughts. But I promise you, Americans are not interested in your political opinions which sound exactly like the opinions of every talking twit on television. To prove my point, last night's election results. The candidates you lot chose to support Americans rejected.
Beto O'Rourke, Andrew Gillum, Phil Bredesen.
When push came to ballot punching time, Americans didn't enter the ballot box thinking "What did Beyonce say about Beto?" Or "Whom was it Taylor Swift told me would save the world?" No, when Election Day rolled round, Americans voted the way they wanted to vote. With nary a thought given to how singers, actors, or Instagram puppets cast theirs. Related Jim Carrey Creates Mocking Painting of Ted Cruz. Cruz Roasts Him in One Tweet!
Which isn't to say you shouldn't have an opinion. Please, have as many opinions as you'd like. But don't act as though your opinion on politics has more weight than my neighbor's second cousin twice removed from reality. You're entertainers. You're experts in being charismatic on camera, writing catchy tunes, getting married multiple times, and entering rehab promising to do better. Good luck with that.
The rest of us have our own lives and our own political values, thank you. We'll vote the way we think is best without your tweets, videos, or selfies.
Some friendly advice: if you really want to be liked and adored as much as I suspect you do, focus less on massaging your own ego by pushing your politics, and focus more on making entertainment great again. Which I suspect starts with more originality, less parroting of each other, talking points, or tired get-out-the-vote formulas.