One day, four turtles were minding their own business when they fell into toxic ooze. This caused them to mutate into teenagers. A rat who faced a similar predicament became their sensei and trained them to be ninjas. They also developed an affection for pizza. Because they lived in New York City, who everyone knows has the best pizza. Suck it, Chicago.
They became the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A FICTIONAL group of crime fighters. That the super serious people at PETA are now demanding become vegan. Yes, vegan pizza-loving turtles. Which surprisingly is not the most ridiculous idea the animal rights wack-a-doodles have come up with lately (see LOL: ‘Shoot Selfies, Not Animals’ PETA Campaign Gets Hilariously Trolled by Hunters… and PETA Morons Protest Animal Cruelty By… Going Topless?!).
Here’s the release.
As Nickelodeon prepares to go in a “different direction” with Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, PETA sent a letter this morning asking the network to make that direction a vegan one—with dairy-free pizza for the turtles to chow down on.
“Modern kids are embracing vegan food, so why shouldn’t modern Ninja Turtles?” asks PETA Senior Vice President Lisa Lange. “Vegan pizza is popular…”
No it’s not.
Vegan pizza is only slightly better than putting pineapple on your pizza. Which everyone knows is the Hitler of pizza toppings.
“…and it’s healthier and far kinder to animals than old-fashioned dairy cheese pizza. PETA thinks that’s something the ‘Heroes in a Half Shell’ would support.”
These poor turtles have already suffered enough. After the third time they had to save the city from Beebop and Rocksteady this week, our heroes deserve a real slice of pizza. And as far as the ethical treatment of animals go, you’d think PETA would be more concerned that there are turtles playing in toxic waste. Where’s Al Gore and Greenpeace on all this?
What this is really about, though, is a common thread on the left: indoctrinate them when they’re young. They want to start peddling their propaganda to kids before they’re even old enough to say “Vegan pizza sucks.”
Speaking of vegan propaganda: