Eastbound and down,
Loaded up with chicken,
We're gonna do what they say can't be done ...
When the government bans you from getting something, it only makes you want it more. America once banned alcohol, which led to people smuggling hooch. In New Zealand, they smuggle fast food. KFC, to be exact. Fried chicken. Either I'm reading
this article from the Guardian wrong
, or this is in fact one of the silliest lockdown stories I've seen. When you consider NZ neighbors
the penal colony known as Australia
, that's saying something.
Much like the Aussies, New Zealand — home to
draconian gun control
failed Olympian Laurel Hubbard
— has strict lockdown measures. The city of Auckland spent the last month in level 4 lockdown. Also known as "locked down AF." It didn't allow restaurants to open or residents to order out. In neighboring cities, that was not the case. That brings us to the alleged smuggling operation.
Police spotted a car trying to cross the border on back roads. Straight-up
Dukes of Hazzard
style. The cops figured the car was up to no good and the chase was on. Only unlike Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltraine, the NZ police caught the smugglers and put an end to their running.
Here's the contraband that was uncovered:
At least three buckets of chicken
Up to 10 tubs of coleslaw
An undisclosed quantity of fries
... and $100,000
Unclear is whether these criminal masterminds had the intent to smuggle fast food across state lines. $100,000 is a lot of money for mediocre fast-food chicken. If it was Popeyes, that's a different story. Perhaps the KFC was to cover up a more heinous crime. Or the two dudes were just hungry. They could have been stoned and it was like a
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
thing. Only instead, Oliver and Taika went to KFC. What makes the Fried Chicken Incident seem like a smuggling operation is this paragraph about the level 4 lockdowns:
In such an environment, fast food can take on the aura of a high-value illicit substance. Last week, a man was charged by police after posting a social media video of crossing the Auckland boundary in search of McDonald's.
Police say the men will appear in court for "breaching" the "Public Health Response Acct" and may face other charges. They could be facing up to six months in jail. It makes a person wonder, was it worth it? I love Taco Bell as much as I hate authoritarian dictatorships. But if I had to choose between a crunchwrap supreme and jail time, I'll just make myself a sandwich.