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April 18, 2019
Here are 8 Delicious Meltdowns Over Today's Mueller Report News
Guys, it's been a day. For Trump, a delicious day. For media... not so great. In celebration of Trump being cleared of Russian Collusion, a fun rundown of some leftist meltdowns. Is it mature to celebrate the deluge of liberal tears? No, but who cares about maturity. We pay our bills, we pay our taxes, we eat dinner before dessert (most days). So enjoy these salty tears sans guilt:
The Mueller Report is out there, Jon. All 450 pages of it. Let's all give it a read and see what we find besides Trump and his campaign acting stupidly, but not criminally (as far as I can tell).
Nailed it, Joe. That is exactly what I'm doing here. Spewing a steady stream of your crybaby ways.
Maggie here just couldn't handle the news today, so she clung to a new conspiracy: the song "Edelweiss" is somehow tied to Nazism. The consensus on Twitter is because she only watches The Man in the High Castle, and failed to understand the real significance of the song:
When really the Von Trapp family were fleeing the Nazis.
But let's move on. This next one is a two for one:
I'm not exactly sure what's going on with the Krassensteins, but not much in the thinking centers of the brain.
Here we have a blue checkmark with two R's in "Garry" comparing Barr to a soviet. So, so original. But at least it's not a Nazi reference.
Reminder: the Trump Administration is against socialism, but the top Democrats are all about it. Since we're discussing breadlines and communism.
Now let's check in with CNN's top douche, Jim Acosta.
Jim thought this was somehow worthy of calling out. But I'll remind you, AG Barr spanked a reporter for saying the same. WATCH: Journalist Suggests AG Barr is on Trump's Side. He Smacks Her Silly!
Makes perfect sense to me that someone would be a little ticky they were being investigated for something which they didn't do.
But I saved the best take for last. Judd Legum is upset that Donald Trump used a meme.
Pro-tip: everyone needs memes. Me, you, him, her, ze, she, her and me again. I scream, you scream, we all scream for hot memes. Where there's a will, there's a meme. I'm not a fan of Game of Thrones myself, but it seems Judd Legum knows nothing about winter coming to freeze his unfun tochus.
Judd still couldn't even.
Impeachment over what? No one's exactly sure. The full Mueller Report is about 450 pages. Not even the Tumbler Merchant has finished reading it. Best I could tell, the Trump campaign did some stupid things, not criminal things.
And that's all folks. I'm sure I missed thousands of meltdowns, but I was crunched for time.
Leave your hot takes in the comments!