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January 03, 2020
Golden Globes will Feed Celebrities "Plant-Based" Meals to Save the Planet. I Have Better Ideas.
Here's another fun thing for Ricky Gervais to talk about. The celebrities who likely subsist on cabbage water and chicken breast for the week heading into the Golden Globes will be served a 100 percent plant-based diet after they walk the red carpet and answer inane questions from members of the press, who eat whatever they want all year. Yes, the Golden Globes is serving this culinary garbage as a way to raise awareness about all the environmental waste caused from farting cows, and how that environmental waste leads to Greta Thunberg's on-screen tantrums.
From the AP:
LOS ANGELES (AP) — The Golden Globes, known as the “party of the year,” is going with a meatless menu for its 77th annual awards show.
Guests will be served a 100% plant-based meal just ahead of showtime Sunday. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association said Thursday that it wants the initiative to raise environmental awareness about food consumption and waste.
No mention of how the celebrities traveling from all over the world to attend this event will affect Mother Earth. Nor any mention of all the pollution caused from the creation of so many outfits which will only be worn once. No, no, just no meat, since Americans love to consume meat. Let the lecture fest begin with a feast no one envies.
“If there’s a way we can, not change the world, but save the planet, maybe we can get the Golden Globes to send a signal and draw attention to the issue about climate change,” HFPA president Lorenzo Soria said. “The food we eat, the way we grow the food we eat, the way we dispose of the food is one of the large contributors to the climate crisis.”
Question: how many of these celebrities will drive in fleets of limos to the nearest In-N-Out? My guess is, after a week or more of diet deprivation to look #hawt in designer dresses never to be worn again, we'll have some hangry ladies on our hands. If you think some kind of pasta al dente served with something steamy green is going to do the trick, honey I've got some news for you.
Secondly, plant-based things require a lot of farming, which requires a lot of acreage, a lot of machinery to handle that acreage, a lot of machinery to ship the food, and if that plant-based whatever is being transformed into a meatless wonder, a lot of chemistry in a factory churning out some waste. So spare me the "it's greener, though" tripe. Related: EXPOSED: Veganism is Worse for the Planet!
Thirdly, a great way for people to stay lean when they're not professional athletes is to maintain a high protein, low carb diet. Guess what has a lot of protein and no carbs? Ding, ding, ding!
Protein in its finest form
But I'm straying a little too far from the larger point here. If the Golden Globes wants to raise awareness about ways to save the planet from human waste, here are five ideas:
- Cancel the ceremony. Celebrities will fly into Los Angeles from all over the world. How many of them are taking Southwest Airlines versus chartering private jets? Once they land in LAX, how many are taking cars to their lavish homes with multiple air conditioners/heaters? How many of these nominees and award presenters are traveling to the awards in giant limos which will seat two people max? Do you see where I'm going with this?
- If you're not going to cancel the awards, have the celebrities wear clothes they wear every day. If you think the fashion industry isn't a wasteful one, oh baby. How much fabric gets wasted on behalf of red-carpet fashion? What happens to that fabric? How is that fabric shipped to whatever designer who hires whatever seamstress to cut it and sew it? When have you seen [pick your celebrity] in the same designer dress more than once? Wouldn't it be less wasteful if Kaley Cuoco wore a night shirt? Are we going to see no-single-use-plastic-bottle hunk Jason Momoa in Adidas track pants?
- Speaking of red carpets, what happens to the red carpet after one night of celebrity foot-treading? How much pollution is spent in the creation of this carpet? Is it reused or is it recycled for another event? Wouldn't it be more environmentally friendly to have the attendees walk on whatever flooring is already at the venue? Better yet, shouldn't the venue have no upcycling at all, since it requires how much transportation to get all that pomp and circumstance into Los Angeles?
- Don't televise the awards. How much electricity is expended both in the recording of the awards and the piping of that live show to households of people so bored with the Netflix lineup they're willing to sit through three hours of pretty people performing reach-arounds?
- Bare minimum, make the awards themselves paper certificates. Heck, spend a few extra bucks and emboss those dead-tree bitches. How much pollution does Mother Earth have to endure in the creation of the golden statues versus running to Kinkos to print some certificates telling Hollywood elites they're even more special than they thought they were?
Look, I don't actually care if Hollywood wants to award itself with trophies. I don't care if they televise it. I don't care if pretty skinny ladies in impractical, slutty but classy dresses want to starve themselves for a week to look amazing for one night. Fine. But don't virtue signal to the rest of us with a platter of plants how the rest of us need to change our omnivorous ways when mostly all of the same celebrities will fill their limos with burgers and fries, then fly back to wherever they came from on private planes.
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