Dear whiny losers who probably can't even make a sockpuppet without blaming sexism for the sockpuppet's stank:

Feminist and film director Elizabeth Banks recently blamed sexism for the bombing of her rebooted movie, Charlie's Angels. The film starred that actress from Twilight who once porked a married director, and two other ladies I've never heard of but I'm old, so maybe that doesn't count. The film stunk up the box office just as badly as Eric Swalwell stunk up wherever he sat as he ripped a loud wet one. A display far more entertaining than any moment in Charlie's Angels. Or so I gather based on its box office performance. A few people on Twitter commented they didn't even know there was a Charlie's Angles movie, so maybe a lack of marketing was a factor. That and the movie looked like how Swalwell's pants smell: crappy.

The movie bombed because the movie is a bomb. Not because a bunch of sexist men sat around a giant table smoking cigars deciding they'd make another Spiderman movie because they hate creativity as much as they hate people with uteruses.

Sometimes it's not that men are sexist, mud-covered swines eager to edge you out of all things fair and equal simply because you have saggy boobs. Sometimes the patriarchy isn't to blame for your inability to climb ladders, real or corporate. Sometimes it isn't other women's "internalized misogyny" speaking when ladies, such as myself, look at you, raise one pointed finger, and laugh. Sometimes the only party to blame is the one sitting in your chair. Ten points if your belly isn't rolling over it. Which isn't the fault of traditional beauty standards. But your refusal to cancel the fork that's shoveling refined carbs and sugar into the multifunctional hole in your face.

The concept to which I'm referring is responsibility. It's a simple concept to understand, but one that seems lost on she who'd rather blame sexism for her failings. I bet you'd be more than happy to tell a group of sad, noodle-limbed incels with no confidence, skills or hygiene that the problem isn't women who won't date them, the problem is the incels for being undateable. Yeah?

So it is with most things, my flabby friends. I'll grant you some men are sexists, and they do seem like a rather loud group of man-babies on social media. However, and this is a big one so bear with me, sexism overall isn't the culprit behind your long history of failures. Your inability to learn from your failures, however, is.

Let's take Elizabeth Banks. She could've used the flopping of her movie to learn from the experience. For example:

• Get better talent. The first Charlie's Angels movie cast three well-known and liked ladies in its film. The reboot did not. Since we're talking about sexism, most action movies have a big star. Tom Cruise. Harrison Ford. Bruce Willis. Liam Neeson. Sigourney Weaver. Sandra Bullock. Denzel Washington. Jodie Foster. Etcetera. Kind of a no-brainer.
• Get better marketing. The production shots I saw from the film were cringe level ten, with skinny ladies raising their tiny fists prepping for a fight. Embarrassing. I say this as a woman who prides herself on her ability to hammer out pullups. Multiple. The ladies cast in this film looked too weak to push a stapler, much less "kick some ass." Even if it's an action film that isn't really to be taken seriously, try to suspend my disbelief just a tad.
• Have a compelling story with decent writing. This seems like a lost art in Hollywood, so it's listed last. But you know. Try harder next time.

Instead, Banks blamed men. Which is funny, because had Charlie's Angels succeeded, I don't think she would've credited men with its success. Do you?

Also, women go to the movies. They didn't go to this one. 'Splain that one to me.

There are many reasons feminists such as yourselves draw so much ire, but one is your refusal to hold yourselves accountable, rendering you generally unlikeable. You then forge this talent to repel people and imbue it into your work, then blame the larger umbrella of "sexism" as a reason the masses don't like your work.

But often, your work, though separate from you, is an extension of you. If you create from a place of blame for that which goes wrong, playing the victim when you don't get your way, you'll be stuck in a never-ending cycle of misery. Which will find itself in your work, people won't like it, and around we go again.

The problem isn't small-minded men. The problem is small-minded feminists.

~ Written by Courtney Kirchoff