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September 08, 2023
Paratrooper chugs beer as he plummets to Earth, and you'll relate to his two words describing what drives him to drink
There are few things I enjoy more than day drinking. It's why God invented beer. Or flavored seltzer, if your only other option is an IPA. But while I am crushing beers during the sunlight hours, it's from the safety of a front porch rocking chair. A Canadian paratrooper is going viral for throwing one back as he was in the middle of paratrooping.
Really. Cracking open a Miller Lite while his chute was deployed and he was plummeting to Earth.
What drives our hero to drink?
You and me both, brother. You and me both.
This unnamed hero's identity remains unknown. Though, shocker, the government knows who he is. The Canadian National Defense issued a statement to Coffee or Die saying they did not find this as humorous as you or me or any other red-blooded American. Which I guess makes sense, since it's the Canadian National Defense.
“The conduct of the soldier is completely inappropriate, unsafe and not in accordance with Canadian Army safety static line parachute procedures. It is important to note that the code of service discipline still applies to retired members for breaches that occurred while serving.”
Unclear is what about the Canadian government our hero takes issue with. It could be the tyranny. It could be having your "rights" decided by the whims of bureaucrats. Or it could be the mere fact the walking pile of soy and hair goop that controls the Canadian military is a literal vagina.
Our commander-in-chief is a senile coot with rumored dementia and continence issues. I'd imagine that drives our service members to drink, too.
Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.
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