VIDEO: Mystery Pooper at New Jersey High School Revealed
Writing for Louder with Crowder can sometimes be a sh!ty job. Folks, these are the jokes.
Here's a tale dealing with a pile of feces and New Jersey. As craptastic as he may be, I'm not talking about Bruce Springsteen. Thank God for sparing me that hell. Nope, I'm talking about a mystery pooper brown-bombing a high school football field every morning.
Turns out, it was the school superintendent.
The Kenilworth school superintendent charged Monday with defecating in public was caught in the act at the Holmdel High School football field and track after surveillance was set up due to human feces being found "on a daily basis," police said.
Thomas Tramaglini, 42, lives about 3 miles from Holmdel High School in neighboring Aberdeen. He was running at the track on the athletic fields at 5:50 a.m. before he was arrested.
Track coaches and staff at Holmdel High School told the district's resource officer that they found human feces on or near the football field and track daily, Holmdel police said in a statement Thursday.
This guy sounds like a real sh*thead.
This dastardly defecator's motives are unclear. He could be protesting Kanye West. Maybe he has a grievance with the NJ teachers union. Maybe he had too much coffee in the morning. Whatever his motive, students can go to school knowing the Evil Mystery Pooper who Poops on Campus is safely behind bars. They no longer have to live in fear of fecal landmines. The triple-ply roll of justice saves the day.
The worst part is this sort of thing isn't rare. All across the land, people are pinching loaves everywhere but the toilet. San Francisco is one three-coiled plopper away from being renamed San Fransh*thole. The reason why is anyone's best guess. It could be a new phobia of indoor plumbing. A virus which causes involuntary log-dropping in public. An underground excrement-themed terrorist cell. Who knows.
Speaking of s***ty things to do that are also hysterical, here's a prank played on Sven Computer.