Friends, I know things seem bleak now. In America, we still have our government trying to control us with panic porn. President Coriolanus is changing the national slogan to "Masks now. Mask forever." But to quote the greatest philosopher of our generation, @ComfortablySmug, things can always get much worse. It's bad now, but at least it's not monkey gang warfare bad.

Seriously. That's what's going on in the streets of Thailand. (h/t Outkick)

Warring monkeys bring Lopburi traffic to a standstill | The Nation Thailandyoutu.be

Here's what's going on. There is a city called Lopburi. It's literally called "The City of Monkeys." In that city, there stands a Buddhist temple. Tourists frequent the temple while doing touristy things. The monkeys rely on the tourists feeding them and providing them sustenance. Sadly, Thailand is on its third lockdown. No tourists means no food. No food means a lot of angry monkeys wilding out and getting violent. To quote the vernacular of the streets, sh*t's been popping off.

Only, it would appear, the monkeys have formed rival gangs. Much like the Bloods vs. the Crips. Or the Inner Circle vs. the Pinnacle. To quote a bystander who stood witness to the primate carnage:

I was in a building near the temple when I heard the monkeys squealing. There were so many of them all stood together. I could see they were having an argument. Then they all ran onto the road and began wrestling. There were so many of them.

No one has any idea what can bring peace to the rival monkeys. Sure, we can airdrop a few creates of bananas on Lopburi. But that would only be a temporary fix. The monkeys would eventually finish off the bananas and then it's back to beefing with each other.

The unanswered question is what happens when the monkeys call a truce? It's only a matter of time before the heads of the monkey families have a sit-down and discover they can go farther working together. And turn on the humans. Don't think it can't happen. It did here in America in 1978, at a strip mall in Cincinnati. Where a bunch of turkeys organized and mounted a counter-attack against unsuspecting Thanksgiving shoppers.

So, yeah. Things are bad in America. But they aren't gangland monkey bad. Yet.

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