The common theme to this post will be your desire to upchuck whatever you last consumed. Some British moms were so traumatized by the porn they found online, they decided to teach their children about the sanctity of the human body, the importance of mutual respect, and how abstinence before marriage creates more healthy adult relationships. Nah, just kidding. They MILFed it up by making porn of their own.

From The Mirror:

The five women taking part in Channel 4 show Mums Make Porn first had to research hardcore films that could be accessed by youngsters online for free.

Here are those moms:

M'kay, I need to make a brief point here. Porn isn't great. Which is a nice way of saying it's bad. See also The Surprising Science Against Porn. Much of porn is depraved, disgusting, violent, and always objectifying of people, typically women. So I'm not opposed to the idea of mothers being horrified by porn their children may be watching. Here are some of the mom's reactions:

“If my son treated a woman like that I would kick his arse to kingdom come.

"Porn doesn’t represent normal women, the actors and actresses they use mislead kids.

"They need to realise it’s not normal.”

Great! Teaching children porn isn't normal is laudable. Because porn isn't normal. It's harmful. It's unrealistic. It's likely screwed up a whole lot of relationships.

But the solution to "porn is bad" is not to make porn less bad. The solution to free porn isn't to recast Stormy Daniels for your mom. Stunning as she may be. Yet that's the solution these mama pinups have come up with. Somehow forgetting their own childhood of all children, ever, swearing up and down they, like Jesus, were immaculately conceived.

If you thought your mom in a porno was bad enough, no. Because these moms are going to watch their pornos with their children. That sound you hear is your own heart clawing its way out of your rib cage, as it races your eye balls to the kitchen blender.

The film the mums made will be shown in the last of the three-part series, starting on March 20, as they hold a viewing party for friends and family, including some of their children.

I have a better idea. Instead of moms making pornos as a way to show "healthy" sex, how about we just flip the script, and make porn disgusting in a different way. How about we make pornos staring Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi? Maybe throw in Chuck Schumer, make it a party. Say Harry Reid pops in for a little game of bathroom bands. Just let your imagination run to sicker places.

Alternatively, moms horrified by porn because porn is horrifying could try fighting fire with cold water, not more cringe. Rather than staring in their own porn films, maybe they could -- and bear with me here -- talk to their children about what sex is and is not. Better yet, don't. Enlist the help of a trusted friend or not-parent to talk about how the birds and the bees don't choke each other before or during coitus.

What are your thoughts? More importantly, what would you name the pornos staring Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi? Other than "OH GOD NO, MAKE IT STOP" because that one's taken.

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