You know how Michelle Obama is snooty and in your face and has broccoli in one hand and celery in another, and she screams at you to EAT YOUR EFFING VEGGIES then orders you to drop down and give her thirty? Oh and also remember how she said the first time she was proud of her country was when Barack was elected president? Right, our current first lady in the White House. Isn't she a peach cobbler with dairy-free whipped cream dolloped on top.

Well then there's Candy Carson, who's name alone gives Michelle the diabetic heebie jeebies. She is the total opposite of Michelle. She's kind, warm, intelligent and a proud American, and her husband hasn't been elected. No, no, he's just a brain surgeon who's separated conjoined twins. Barack Obama was a community organizer. LOL.

Candy and Ben Carson were on FoxNews promoting their book, which is about America (and not about how America should apologize) and they talk about how they met. Watch:

Seriously, don't you want to invite them over for a weekend barbecue? Or an ugly sweater Christmas party? Bet Mrs. Carson wouldn't bring some vegan, sugar-free, gluten-free, tofu-laden dish and then lecture you about global warming after she's gotten off Air Force One and a shopping spree in Paris. Just spit-balling.

Candy Carson, the Anti-Michelle Obama. Candy is sweet, Michelle is hell. See what I did there?