Everyone is searching for that special someone to squabble with til death do they part (see Harvard Student Who Creates Dating App Forced to Apologize. For Only Offering Two Genders… and JUSTICE: Woman Falsely Accuses “Date” of Assaulting Her. She Goes to Jail…). Just make sure your honey boo is of peaceful Amish decent. They can't text behind your back without electricity. You may wonder why the bizarre phone decorum advice. Here's why.

One woman's happily ever after wasn't so happy after her husband recruited his parents to beat the crap out of her. She should've gone the Amish route.

According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office, the woman was being held in her home against  her will by her husband, Devbir Kalsi, 33, who had his parents fly in from India to "counsel and discipline" his wife for "being disobedient."

FYI, "being disobedient" is never defined. Could be "she burned my naan" or "she wore white after Labor Day."

When deputies arrived at the home on Greenbank Drive Saturday morning and knocked on the door, no one initially came to the door. A deputy continued to knock and, eventually, the wife attempted to open the door and screamed for the deputy to save her and her 1-year-old baby.

The deputy said he had to force his way in as Devbir Kalsi tried to force the door shut. Kalsi and his parents were all arrested.

Investigators told FOX 13 the man's wife was badly beaten and had bruises over her entire body. The child appeared to be unharmed.

Okay, so the religion of the people in question is never defined. They're from India, so we can't just automatically assume Islam here. But nor can we rule it out. According to the Census of India, Hindu is the largest religion, clocking in at a wholloping 80%. With Islam in a very distant second with a cutting 13%. So there's a chance the Kalsi clan did belong to the Religion of Peace (TM), especially since the article we cited here makes no reference to any religion at all.

No, it's not Islamophobic to suggest perhaps the wife's husband and her in laws are Islamic. The Religion of Peace has a history of battering its ladies who dare disobey their patriarchy.

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But just in case this family isn't Islamic, let's just go on the record of saying they're awful people regardless and deserve the book thrown at them. Okay? Okay.

Co-written by Courtney Kirchoff and Nichole Cooper

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