Climate Change Alarmists Glued Themselves to Furniture for the Planet
Okay climate change cultists, if you don't want us to continue mocking you, stop doing mockable things. I can get behind the reusable totes and compostable straws. But you lose me at gluing yourselves to the outdoor furniture. Or any furniture. Gluing yourselves to anything, in fact. The cultists in London thought the best way to make a statement about climate change was to lube themselves up with the sticky stuff and throw themselves on some benches.
Thousands of people took to the streets of central London on Monday, blockading some of the UK capital's busiest roads and bridges, and gluing themselves to street furniture, to raise the alarm over a mounting climate crisis.
If you're also wondering how sticking themselves to some benches helps the planet, you're not alone. I still haven't figured it out. That said, I have an IQ higher than two. So.
On Monday morning, a group of demonstrators with trees, plants and solar panels in tow barricaded Waterloo Bridge, one of five locations being targeted by environmental campaigners in the city as part of the protest, which is expected to continue for at least a week.
Okay, I don't think we're going to hear about how becoming a semi-permanent fixture via Elmers saves the planet. But were I a betting woman, I'd guess the gluing has zero to do with carbon emission protestations and everything to do with making a silly statement. Let's check in:
Protesters were expected to use tactics including gluing or locking themselves to gates, benches, turnstiles and other street furniture to bring intersections and streets to a standstill on Monday.
Imagine being in this climate change meetup:
Hey, ho, hey, ho, climate deniers have got to go
Hey, ho, hey, ho, hand me the glue I've got an idea
Hey, ho, hey, ho, help it's sticky and I gotta pee
Hey, ho, hey, ho, wait a second let's glue ourselves to immovable objects
But wait, it's dumber. According to CNN, some protesters even glued themselves to doors. Will the good ideas never cease?
Photos and videos shared on social media showed some protesters outside London's Shell Centre near Waterloo Bridge on Monday. While some demonstrators glued themselves to the revolving front door, others scrawled Extinction Rebellion's hourglass symbol in graffiti and smeared black paint on the exterior of the building. The protesters also smashed a glass door.
I think I'm going to adopt the gluing myself to shit when I want a raise. Look at all the attention I'd get just by lathering myself with epoxy and throwing myself on a thing just to make "a point." In fact, maybe we should all take a page out of the climate change alarmist book, glue ourselves to crap for [your reason here]. Like protesting taxes by gluing all my cash to the underside of my floorboards.
Meanwhile, climate change alarmists say you, the person who's not gluing their butts to benches, are anti-science and denying reality.