Five years ago today, Harambe the Gorilla was taken from us.

Actually, taken from us sounds like animal rights activists kidnapped him to "set him free." Harambe was assassinated. The official story from the corporate media is that the gorilla was killed to save a little boy who fell into the gorilla pit. But the people who believe that are likely the same people who believe Jeffrey Epstein killed himself. Even though we all know Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself. Could there be more to the story? Perhaps. As I write this right now, I can hear the thundering sounds of the Blue Angels flying overhead, celebrating Harambe's life as the most patriotic thing to be happening this weekend.

Independent investigations into what REALLY killed Harambe are still ongoing. There are theories.

There is also the question of what Harambe was trying to tell that brave little boy. The gorilla was believed by some to know about a government agency that was experimenting on animals. One possibly even working with a foreign country to develop a new bioweapon. There's no way of confirming such a claim. However, I can't help but notice there was no proclamation from the White House or the NIH marking this tragic anniversary.

If Harambe had one fault, it's that he cared too much. His colleagues all tried to warn him, but you know Harambe. He was stubborn to a fault. Leaving his friends with nothing to do but regale schoolchildren with stories of Harambe teachings. Both to celebrate the primate, but also as a cautionary tale.

All we can do now is remember Harambe how gorilla always wanted. His good friend actor Danny Trejo reminds us of the only proper way to remember this fallen icon. No, not with an NFT.

D*cks out for Harambe, indeed.

Godspeed, you magnificent beast. May you be enjoying an eternity of peace, tranquility, and more memes than you can shake a Winchester Model 70 at.

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