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Dear Feminists: Your Pathetic, Wimpy History in Pictures...
Dear Feminists: We found your photo albums...
Ah feminists, oh how we love to mock thee. This time, instead of writing paragraph after paragraph about how much your whining annoys the sanity out of us, we wanted to share your history. In pictures. Yep, we hired a butch-cutted lesbian detective (the better to camouflage with) to dig through your photo albums. We found some interesting pictures of you throughout history. Let's dive right in, shall we?
1. Constructing the Empire State Building
Look at you, sitting up all tall with those strapping men, who are defying fear, just chilling out as they have lunch. Those men define ruggedness, no? They put their lives at risk to get paid. In the process they built what used to be the tallest building in the world. If they had a complaint, it would be about the fear of falling to their deaths. Not about the lack of free tampons. Also, looks like the guy sitting next to you wishes he wasn't sitting next to you...
2. Coal Mining
Hey, wait a second... is that a gal from BuzzFeed? Or just your ancestor perhaps. I like how, while the men are covered in soot, breathing in air which isn't exactly pure, so they may dig up a fuel source which provides heat, and power, you're demanding your healthcare plans cover abortion. I think the men were too busy working, toiling, sweating, hoping not to get crushed by falling rocks to have gotten on board with your wussy demands. That's why they're not taking you seriously.
3. Erecting the Golden Gate Bridge
Since this giant orange gem is in San Francisco, where many of you love to piece your lips and wave rainbow flags, we knew you'd be here. Of course you're not up at the top of the tower, though. Dangerous risks? Not really your thing, is it? While these men, like their brothers who built the Empire State Building, swallowed their fear, you're waaaaaaay down there, holding up a sign about #PayGap or something. It's hard to see it from this angle...
4. Working on the Railroad
All the live long day, you broads were there supporting those men... well, that depends on how we define "support." As hundreds of men worked hard, manual labor each and every day to lay down thousands of miles of track, so cis-gendered princesses like you could travel onboard a train, or have your birth control pills delivered across country, you dames were getting pissy about not having enough paid maternity leave. I think I just cried a few tears thinking of all the toil you endured.
5. Omaha Beach
My personal favorite. Men storming the beaches to fight the Nazis in World War Two. Men of great bravery, who risked their lives for their country, for freedom, for a just world, fought in a terrifying theater of combat. The chance of them getting blown up, shot, captured? High, yet they stormed those beaches anyway. You tootsies? Looks like you were too busy worrying about sexual harassment from some of the troops. Oh trust me, honey, I get it. He looked at your boobs for too long, and that other guy, he made a sexist comment about your ass. Real problems, I get it.
Truth is, what built the world we're living in wasn't a hashtag. It wasn't a twitter campaign of women holding up signs about some perceived injustice. It wasn't the constant crying about a fake culture where men hunt women to bang them in a parking lot. NASA didn't send a rocket in orbit or put a man on the moon because of paid maternity leave. A lot, if not most, of humanity's greatest accomplishments, forward progress, scientific breakthroughs, you name them, came from men. Men who didn't complain. Men who didn't stomp their feet. Men who didn't take duck-faced selfies in the mirror in an act of
defiance bravery. (Read Dear Fat Feminists: Being Naked While Unattractive is not 'Brave'...)
Men risked their lives for the sake of humanity, to move it forward. They stood shoulder to shoulder with a common mission. Did they get paid? Sure, of course. But they took great risks to better the world, the world you pathetic feminists live in and take for granted every day while you free bleed to "make a point." You may complain and say "Oh, but women couldn't do those things because SEXISM," and you may have had a point... but women aren't exactly flocking to these jobs today, either. It's men who tack to the seas for Alaskan King Crabs. It's still men who toil in coal mines. It's still men who work the oil rigs. Men take daily risks, shouldering the burden with little complaint. But you harpies? Every time an injustice, perceived or otherwise, comes up, boy do we hear about it. Oh the myth of the pay gap, oh the paid maternity leave, oh you poor thing, you have to PAY for your own tampons?
Excuse me if I'm not singing your praises...
Written by Courtney Kirchoff and Steven Crowder