America is a thing because the United Kingdom is a hole of sh!t. Note the present tense. The government of Britain was a suckhole when America told King George to fornicate with himself. The government of Britain is a suckhole now. As it tells a toddler’s parents to have a better attitude about the NHS killing their child slowly.

But the Alfie Evans slow murder case is a different story of British tyranny. Let’s traipse back through recent history for other cases of tyranny. Earlier, the stalwarts of culture fined a YouTube personality, Count Dankula, for telling a joke with a pug. Yesterday, a police department warned the English peasants to keep their social media posts in check. Today, Sadiq Kahn tweeted that “Londoners hold their liberal values of freedom of speech very dear.”

Look it:

If he comes to London, President Trump will experience an open and diverse city that has always chosen unity over division and hope over fear. He will also no doubt see that Londoners hold their liberal values of freedom of speech very dear.

— Sadiq Khan (@SadiqKhan) April 26, 2018

Cute.

So then Count Dankula, the pug jokester, tweeted this:

You literally set up a multi-million pound "hate crime" unit that arrests people for mean tweets.

Sit down. https://t.co/LXJoZXjnpw

— Count Dankula🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 (@CountDankulaTV) April 26, 2018

Concise, precise, bravo.

Sadiq Khan may have a point: Londoners do hold their freedom of speech very dear… because they don’t actually have freedom of speech. Ergo they must hold speech close. Limiting what they say only to those they trust. Lest the hate speech bobbies come and take them away for daring to question the democracy of Britain.

Freedom of speech is not actually “freedom of speech” if that freedom comes with fine print. For the commoners of Britain, that fine print includes pretty much anything someone finds offensive. Up to and including “Doctor Who is overrated, but should stay a man.”

Also, bread and butter pudding looks like goat poops floating in butter.

Hate speech isn’t a thing. Freedom of speech exists only in America. I’d suggest Britons who want to experience actual freedom, like early and current Americans, apply for United States citizenship. Get the hell out of the United Kingdom while you still can. Preferably before they sentence your baby to a slow and painful death.

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