Sit down, Batman. Gotham’s newest crime-fighting badass is here to eat up the world’s worst criminal morsels.
Use that laser vision to heat up the oven, Superman! There’s a new Justice League member to sniff out what the baddies are cooking.
It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s the GLUTEN-EATING BUCKET MONSTER.
There was a time when I’d see Cookie Monster’s face on a box asking for weapons, and know right away it was a photoshop job. We don’t live in that world anymore. There is a charity called Only Cowards Carry. Which has selected Cookie Monster as their spokesmuppet.
This isn’t a new photo. As far as my Googling can tell, it’s been around for at least a year. But in light of the London Mayor actually calling for common sense knife control (see London Mayor Wants to Solve Rising Knife Crime by… Banning YouTube Videos? and London Mayor Calls for Common Sense Knife Control) it’s resurfaced. Because it’s 2018. And nuts to your childhood.
Think of all the Victorian disembowelings that could have been prevented, had Jack the Ripper been confronted by the persuasive powers of Cookie Monster pic.twitter.com/z01pp2NPtY
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) April 11, 2018
Twitter wasted no time being snarky.
I doubt their Cookie Monster use is licensed. pic.twitter.com/Q6o2beglop
— Jim Swift (@JSwiftTWS) April 11, 2018
omg I want a Cookie Monster "only cowards carry" poster for my arms room SO MUCH https://t.co/rvWcsFcrSK
— Drew (@a_greyshirt) April 11, 2018
So are they suggesting that Cookie Monster can eat all of the knives in London? Think it may send the wrong message. https://t.co/TwVs0Ev6db
— LeRoy Frost (@92bottlesleft) April 11, 2018
Unfortunately, the actual Cookie Monster was unavailable for comment.
You would think since Sesame Street jumped to HBO, it would be raining money. And Muppets wouldn’t have to resort to asking people for their pointy objects. Sadly, our LwC researcher has been looking into things and this is just the beginning. Elmo has been talking to animal rights activists. Mr. Snuffleupagus was seen hanging out with David Hogg at the #MarchForOurLives. Though the worst of it is a planned Thelma and Louise remake staring Amy Schumer and Abby Cadabby.
I seriously can’t with you anymore, social media.
Now, to London. People are getting stabbed. Acid is being splashed about like liquor at a rave. Lorries (trucks) are being driven into crowds while drivers, allegedly, scream “COOKIES!”?
Until the UK can correctly identify the actual source of much of their crime woes, the fluffy Muppets are their best chance. Again we say to the Founding Fathers: good call, guys.