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January 20, 2024
Company Makes A Chapstick That Tastes Like Ranch Dressing And Fans Lose Their Minds Over It
I can think of a million flavors for chapstick that would probably taste good. When it comes to cosmetics and skincare, the masses tend to lean towards sweet rather than savory. That is just how humans have adapted over time. But Burt’s Bees disagreed and broke massive barriers with this one. Subsequently, my faith in humanity has reached a whole new level of disappointment I could never have imagined.
Burt’s Bees released four new chapstick flavors. Those flavors were ranch, carrots, buffalo, and celery. Yes, we all see what they did there. And it is wrong. These are crimes against buffalo wings and it is unlikely they will be held accountable for these actions.
“What started as an April Fool’s Day joke ended up as a real-life product popular enough to sell out in a day.
On Wednesday, Burt’s Bees and Hidden Valley Ranch announced an unusual collaboration — a set of lip balms that taste like a basket of chicken wings. The set of four flavors included buffalo sauce, crunchy celery, fresh carrot, and of course, the trademarked Hidden Valley Ranch.
The lip balm may remind customers of some classic American dishes — so just apply it to your lips if you dare, but don’t eat it.
“NOT FOR CONSUMPTION. Obviously,” the site warned.
By Thursday, the collaboration of nightmares (or dreams) was already sold out on the Burt’s Bees website. It originally sold for $11.99”
I know we want to resort to calling this fake news, especially because it is CNN, but that is shockingly not the case.
Chicken wings are meant to be eaten. Nothing more. Nothing less. This is truly an abomination and I cannot even comprehend how any of this is legal.
The fact that people are walking around with their lips tasting like ranch and carrots is revolting and I don’t think I will ever be able to grasp what all of this even is.
The reviews of the product are also disturbing.
"I am on a diet and this would be perfect for me to stay on track. Love the smell of ranch dressing and the taste and just having that available on my lips would help me stay focused on my diet goals. No, this has nothing to do with lips, but your product is amazing for that as well," one product review read.
And try not to hold things down with this one: "the juicy celery along with the crunchy carrot is out of this world. In correspondence with the zesty punch of the wild buffalo is true perfection. and to top it all off. with the classic Hidden Valley ranch. amazing. i am absolutely jubilated that i exist in a world with this."
The moral of the story is: Don’t take chicken wings for granted. Because some bird-minded company came along and ruined an American staple that we all cherish.
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