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January 02, 2019
Beyonce and Jay-Z Want People to Go Vegan. Over My Dead Body.
Perhaps it's my meat-fueled senses, but I've picked up a whiff of a trend: militant veganism on the rise, coming to a tofu aisle near you whether you like it or not. Here to put a ring on it, Beyonce and Jay-Z, who want people to drop the bacon and pick up the tofurkey. Their personal trainer has written a book on how to go full vegan full time, and both Jay-Z and Queen Bey have written the introduction. I know you have, in reference to Bey and Jay, already scratched your nose with your middle digit. Same here. But since this veganism for all seems to be a rising trend, I've got to point out the strategy:
“Having children has changed our lives more than anything else,” they wrote. “We used to think of health as a diet – some worked for us, some didn’t. Once we looked at health as the truth, instead of a diet, it became a mission for us to share that truth and lifestyle with as many people as possible.”
Here, Bey and Jay refer to veganism the same way Christians refer to Jesus: the truth. Which is curious, as one's diet is one's diet, where diet specifically breaks down into what you're shoveling into your face when no one's looking. What you eat is no more "the truth" than a pointed hairy toe is the way.
Alas, transforming the vegan diet into an ideology is taking hold, and as such lines will be drawn between believers and heretics.
“We all have a responsibility to stand up for our health and the health of the planet. Let’s take this stand together. Let’s spread the truth. Let’s make this mission a movement. Let’s become “the Greenprint,” they concluded.
In fairness, nothing causes more controversy than what one person has decided to eat. Say, for example, I said I followed the Keto diet. Seventy billion morons would run to Twitter to tell me I was an idiot for pick a reason any reason. They'd do the same if I said I adhered to the Paleo diet, Mediterranean diet, carnivore diet, or if I dined on nothing but the happy thoughts of pre-school children. Because for some reason my personal diet choices are a reflection on everyone else.
That's just because.
What Bey and Jay have done is make their diet choices about everyone else. Instead of saying "I found veganism worked for me, but I don't give AF about what everyone else does," they've gone full vegan: trying to get everyone else to go vegan not just for personal reasons, but planetary and ideological reasons. That's where I draw a line. A bacon-shaped line.
Frankly, I don't care if you're vegan, carnivore, omnivore, or if you eat nothing but donuts. But don't use your diet, crappy or otherwise, on which to stand and proselytize to the rest of us about truth and a better world which doesn't include smoked meats.
Pass. Hard pass.