In The Washington Post Style section, so not Opinion, not News, an intrepid writer named Maura Judkis is educating us all on the origin of the sexy peach emoji as a symbol of RESISTANCE and TRUMP IMPEACHMENT. I do the all caps because that's what it feels like the left does when discussing all things Trumpy. You may think the peach emoji is just an emoji with a few bodily connotations. But no. It is so much more. So much, much, much more, you simpleton. The peach emoji, according to Judkis here, can be explained thanks to the ancient Sumerians. Deep pitted stuff. Strap yourself in, your mind is about to get all kinds of blown:

If you want to understand how the peach emoji has come to represent both the potential impeachment of President Trump and a butt, you must first look to the ancient Sumerians.

Before I get to the deepest part of this pitiful essay epitomizing slow fake news, let me offer an alternative theory as to the use of the peach emoji: it looks like a butt, and "impeachment" contains the word peach.

And that's it.

But hey, why pass up an opportunity to make fun of the same publication with the tagline "Democracy dies in darkness"? We're talking about emojis and we're talking about them seriously. Tell me again liberals aren't the definition of privilege.

Cuneiform, their early system of writing, began as a series of pictograms, and some characters represented multiple words or concepts. But it could be “tricky to represent something in the abstract,” said Vyvyan Evans, a British linguistics professor and author of “The Emoji Code.” So the Sumerians would repurpose an existing pictogram that had resonance with the hard-to-illustrate concept. A modern-day equivalent would be using a picture of an eye to represent “I” — a linguistic concept called the rebus principle.

You guys, she's serious. She wrote this on purpose.

She goes onto explain the brilliance of a Lizzo tweet, then echos the pseudo-intellectual tripe of her Trump Hating Tribe. I bet the "fake news" insult gets her all kinds of flabbergasted.

Bless her heart, because the tweet replies to This Washington Post piffle are far funnier than anything the Peach Emoji Brigade could dare launch. Let's get to them, shall we?

Ratio tweet replies give me hope in humanity. Especially ones which cite the Revolutionary War and Little House on the Prairie as if they're the same. Gold.

It would help, maybe. But hey, if you're an online publication, content must go out. Even if news is so slow you end up looking to your iPhone for inspo. I'm just glad I could mock WaPo for it to fill my content quotas. Silver lining.

Dang, last week we had Greta, imPEACHment, and YouTube blacklisting us. This week... peaches. Not even real peaches. Pixel peaches. The first world, am I right?

A Sopranos gif. Haven't seen one of those in a while. God bless.

Michael Scott has a quote for almost everything. Prove me wrong, I dare you.

Best one yet.

Listen, I'm also on Twitter because I have to be. The Twitter gods haven't deemed me important enough for a blue checkmark, but I'm there, toiling with the rest. I'm also in charge of an online publication, so I must also create content for your reading and viewing pleasure. But my god. If I ever need to seriously write about emojis employed in political discourse -- not to be confused with mocking those who seriously write about emojis employed in political discourse -- just go ahead and ratio my avatar into oblivion.

For more on how fake news is basically cancer: EAT CROW: Montage of News Reporting on Fake Hate Hoax Illustrates Fake News Epidemic and New York Times Asked Twitter for Tips on Spotting Fake News.

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