Turns out a leftist is a leftist no matter how fancy the accent. Yesterday, Boris Johnson and his Tory conservatives wiped the streets of Jolly Olde England, and the rest of the UK, with the vegan tears of socialist labour party poopers. The victory was impressive, spelling doom for radical socialism, hope for sanity in the once great nation which brought us The Beatles. But as leftists, regardless of geographical location do, there was much boo-hooing and sore losing to be had. Which has likely inspired this accidentally hilarious article from the UK Independent, simply titled “How to Leave the United Kingdom.”
There were also reports of Jewish people planning to do the same if Jeremy Corbyn won the keys to Number 10, due to antisemitism within the Labour Party.
Now full disclosure, after Obama won re-election, I did meet with two friends to discuss moving to Texas. That was long before I’d actually seen Texas. But leaving the country wasn’t on the table. Nor did I even change states. Further, I don’t think anyone wrote a guide for Republicans on what to do before leaving the country. Which cannot be said for the Independent article which is completely serious.
But other than packing possessions, kissing loved ones goodbye and boarding international transport, how do you actually leave the country?
See, for one thing, Britons with a case of the sadz can’t exactly come over to the United States. We also elected a loud-mouth leader with an inability to consult with a proper barber. So we’re not an option.
Actually, the article doesn’t suggest where Britons can go instead. I feel like that would’ve been helpful. Australia? New Zealand? Syria? Maybe just a corner of their mind where they can rock themselves while singing God Save the Queen? This article could use a follow-up.
But here’s what gives me the giggles. Much of the article handholds the weepy widdle wosers by instructing them on HOW TO KEEP THEIR UK WELFARE BENEFITS! Obviously, since everyone having a cry about this loss are socialist, government teet-suckers, and those elitist wankers who think anyone who isn’t a socialist who should cede all authority to the EU is a moron.
For those claiming benefits, you must inform your local Jobcentre Plus, and you may be able to continue claiming UK-based benefits if you’re moving to one with a special arrangement with the UK, or in the European Economic Area.
However you could be committing benefit fraud by failing to report a change in circumstances, such as working, buying a property, or claiming benefits in another country.
I think these UK refugees should do a little reverse immigration, as has happened to the UK. What I mean is, these Britons should go to countries once part, or even still are part, of the British Empire upon which the sun never set. Pakistan. India. Zimbabwe. Jamaica. You know, anywhere that is now, or was recently (within the past few decades) part of the British Commonwealth. Remember, the USA is not an option because Trump. So keep your tea unless you want us to toss it in a harbor.
Godspeed, losers. And for the Queen’s sake, record your meltdowns and plaster them on social media. We do love a good SJW tantrum.