A Politically Incorrect Guide to Thanksgiving
Happens every Thanksgiving, doesn't it? Some bleeding heart liberal you're "related to" gets on their moral high Crazy Horse and lectures about how horribly rotten the white man was to the Native Americans. Which is why this year we're throwing in the tomahawk. Time to scalp the facts about the Indians. Feathers not dots.
It’s Thanksgiving! You know what that means. As you try and enjoy your downtime with your family, you’ll undoubtedly find a social justice warrior around your Thanksgiving table trying to force-feed you white guilt. Afterall, your ancestors commited genocide against the Indians. Sorry native Americans. Indigenous? Let’s just go with redskins.
Only one problem, most of it pure, unadulterated buffalo-feces.
Alright to preface this, yes, some of the settlers committed some heinous crimes that were inexcusable, and I’ve benefited from the privelege thereof, yada yada yada... but sooooome of the propoganda out there needs to be called out. Civilizations clash, that’s happened since the beginning of time. War sucks, but that doesn’t give teachers, leftists and social justice warriors the right to LIE about non-existent peaceful Native Americans who rode horses, never experienced war, painted with colors of the wind and were taken out by smallbox blankets. So before you dumbasses hang that dreamcatcher from your rearview mirror, hold your mouth because this tin can I’m about to kick just might hit you in the teeth. Let’s debunk some common PC thanksgiving myths.
MYTH: THE NATIVE AMERICANS WERE A PEACEFUL CULTURE TO WHOM THE CONCEPT OF WAR WAS FOREIGN
FACT: MANY WERE BRUTAL, CONQUERING ***HOLES
Native Americans warred with each other since, forever. Sometimes it was over hunting or farming grounds, sometimes revenge, sometimes to steal, sometimes to kill. I don’t say this to demonize them, they were no different than any other regressive, Neolithic cultures on other continents.
But the truth is that the only way settlers were able to conquer this land was through the help of Native Americans who teamed up with them to settle the score with the other, more assholish tribes. You think Cortes was able to conquer with only 500 Conquisadors. Course not, it took 50,000 ANGRY allied Native Americans who’d had it up to here with being enslaved and forced to carry gold for the other, Native Aztecs.
Some of of the Indian tribes were the most brutal in existence.
They practiced enslavement, rape, cannibalism, would sometimes target women and children, tribes like the Commanchees would butcher babies and roast people alive… and by the way, where do you think we LEARNED scalping?
MYTH: NATIVE AMERICANS WERE AN ADVANCED SOCIETY
TRUTH: NOT EVEN CLOSE
Smell that? It’s your sacred cow being torched. After I scalped her, of course. Unlike Rome, Greece, China, or pretty much any great empire which had already existed at that time, the Native Americans didn’t have advanced plumbing, transportation, mathematics or really… anything that led to the iphone on which you’re currently watching this. That whole beautiful “horseback Indian” culture you read about? It’s a lie because they hadn’t even domesticated horses. Not only that, but they didn’t even use the WHEEL. No really. 1400 AD… no wheel.
Even more reason that, when you’re that far behind, the clash of civilizations is going to be THAT much more drastic when the new wheel-using world catches up to you.
MYTH: THE SETTLERS DELIBERATELY INFECTED NATIVES WITH SMALLPOX BLANKETS TO WHIPE THEM OUT
TRUTH: ONLY IDIOTS COULD POSSIBLY BELIEVE THIS
Think about it. You really believe Europeans waged microbial, biological warfare… long before discovery, mass acceptance or even close to an understanding of advanced germ theory?
So it’s not true. You can look forever for historical accounts of mass smallpox blankets being pajamagrammed to the peaceful Indians, but you won’t find them. But there is SOME truth to the myth, which brings us to our final point.
MYTH: EUROPEANS COMMITTED MASS GENOCIDE. KILLING EVERY NATIVE AMERICAN FOR SPORT
TRUTH: NOT EVEN CLOSE
However, it is estimated that at high as 95% of pre-Columbian Native Americans were in fact killed off by disease, WHY? Because Europeans introduced new diseases to which the Native Americans hadn’t developed an immunity not only with THEMSELVES but now contact with animals like again HORSES which Native Americans hadn’t domesticated. Again, because they were such an archaic, unadvanced society.
Sure there were plenty of bloody, horrendous, unimaginable battles that occurred, and generally when it comes to neoloithic tribes and more advances settlers, the guys with the boom-boom sticks win. This isn’t exclusive to America or all that uncommon.
But Europeans were not hellbent on wiping out Native Americans, they were actually encouraged to bring the people into European culture and convert them to Christianity. Plus, inter-marrying was incredibly common. How else do you explain Johnny Depp, Angalina Jolie, Kid Cudi and even imaginary Elizabeth Warren claiming to be 1/16th Cherokee?
Killing people is bad. But so is milking, misleading and guilting all future generations for crimes they didn’t commit. Yep, Europeans conquered the Native Americans, created a Constitutional Republic, and advanced in mere centuries what Natives couldn’t do for thousands of years here on the plot of land that is America. So close this smartphone window, go enjoy your turkey and tell your social justice warrior cousin at the table to shut that mustached, single-origin-coffee drinking-hole. Or just… hand him a smallpox napkin.
- Indigenous Americans didn't invent the wheel: https://www.quora.com/Why-were-the-indigenous-peoples-of-the-Americas-not-able-to-invent-the-wheel
- Native Americans were introduced to horses by Spaniards: http://www.omgfacts.com/lists/8801/Native-Americans-didn-t-originally-use-or-know-about-horses-They-were-introduced-to-them-by-the-Spaniards
- Colonists learned to scalp from Indians (not sure about the source, but...): http://www.native-languages.org/iaq12.htm
- Smallpox blanket hoax: http://quod.lib.umich.edu/p/plag/5240451.0001.009/--did-the-us-army-distribute-smallpox-blankets-to-indians?rgn=main;view=fulltext
- Genocide myth: http://american3rdposition.com/?p=12675
- Time table of Native American wars: http://www.u-s-history.com/pages/h1008.html
- Easy to read reference guide of conflicts from 1540 on: http://www.legendsofamerica.com/na-indianwartimeline.html
- Details of Colonial Indian wars: http://www.legendsofamerica.com/na-colonialindianwars.html
- Clashes with European settlers: http://www.wvculture.org/history/indland.html
- Comanches butchered babies, ate enemies: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2396760/How-Comanche-Indians-butchered-babies-roasted-enemies-alive.html
- Capitalism over cannibalism: http://www.theblaze.com/blog/2013/05/01/history-rant-cannibalism-at-jamestown-why/
- Reject the lie of white "genocide" against Native Americans: http://townhall.com/columnists/michaelmedved/2007/09/19/reject_the_lie_of_white_genocide_against_native_americans/page/full
- Native Americans "National Day of Mourning": http://www.uaine.org/
- Obama's Thanksgiving messages regularly fail to actually thank God: http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2012/11/22/for-fourth-straight-year-obama-thanksgiving-message-god/
- 8 little known Thanksgiving facts: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2012/11/22/8-little-known-facts-about-thanksgiving/
- Top 5 Thanksgiving proclamations: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/11/25/top-five-thanksgiving-proclamations/