DUH! Study Shows Socialist ‘Men’ Weaker Than Conservatives…

Here’s a total non-shocker for you. Leftist men, if that’s what you’d call them, are pathetic pantywaists, unworthy of the nuggets betwixt their legs. These Prius-driving, kale smoothie-sipping disgraces to the man race embody everything wrong with the modern left. We’ve already known that, but now there’s a scientific study to prove leftist males are puss-cakes. To all the lumpy, dumpy, barely-enough-muscle-mass-to-curl-a-donut kind of guys, this one’s for you…

A study has found that weaker men are more likely to be in favour of redistributive taxation. The strong on the other hand, who in their cavemen past had no problems controlling both women and resources they had no intention of sharing, are far less likely to see the virtue of egalitarian social policies.

That is one interpretation of research by academics from Brunel University, who assessed 171 men for how buff they were – looking at strength, bicep circumference, weight and height.

Writing in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour, they found that those men who looked more formidable were more likely to believe particular social groups should be naturally dominant. They were also much less likely to back policies that redistribute wealth.

In other words, a guy who never forgets chest day is more likely to believe in personal responsibility. As opposed to his weaker, more effeminate leftist counterpart who demands everyone else fork over their hard-earned dollars so he can buy that cute romper he saw in the store window.

Michael Price, from Brunel University London, said that this fitted with some of the predictions of evolutionary psychology. “Our minds evolved in environments where strength was a big determinant of success. If you find yourself in a body not threatened by other males, if you feel you can win competitions for status, then maybe you start thinking inequality is pretty good.”

Actually, inequality is pretty awesome in most cases. Say, for instance, you were a Marine, going into battle. In an “unequal” world, you’d have a 200-pound killing machine who aced his training beside you. In the leftist fantasyland of “equality,” your life would be in the hands of 90-pound genderqueer named Philip, who can’t do one pull-up…

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We can’t really blame these leftists for lacking the muscles, though. Who has time for strength training when they’re so busy fighting the patriarchy, redistributing wealth, shutting down free speech, and punching “Nazis.” Or, at least, trying to punch “Nazis” and failing miserably. The life of a leftist is very hectic. Besides, having 20” arms would a micro-aggression against weaker shrimps who are too busy playing with their fidget spinners to pick up a dumbbell.

Socialist “men” are incapable of supporting themselves. Unless, of course, you count writing letters to their congressman to demand more free stuff as self-reliance. That’s why most of these oafs still live at home with mommy. Some advice, gents. Ditch the man bun, burn the romper, and occasionally lift something heavy that isn’t a plate of pasta. Then, maybe you’ll come to your senses on the political front.

For more on socialist weaklings who love their highlighter hair…

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