It's being said Ricky Gervais murdered Hollywood at the Golden Globes. Metaphorically speaking. Unlike Jeffrey Epstein, who was literally murdered. Well, maybe not literally. There are some who say Epstein killed himself. But they're wrong (see Video of Jeffrey Epstein’s First Attempted Suicide Has Suddenly Vanished and Screaming Heard from Jeffrey Epstein’s Cell. This Gets Weirder and Weirder…). Regardless of if everyone's favorite pedophile "killed" "himself," or was suicided by someone else, you had to know Gervais wasn't going to let an award show monologue go without at least one joke.

We've got to drag it out for three hours. You could binge-watch the entire first season of Afterlife instead of watching this show. That's a show about a man who wants to kill himself because his wife dies of cancer and it's still more fun than this, OK? Spoiler alert: Season two is on the way so in the end he obviously didn't kill himself. Just like Jeffrey Epstein.

Shut up. I know he's your friend but I don't care. You had to make your own way here in your own plane, didn't you?

Memo to self: Binge-watch Gervais' Afterlife on Netflix.

I don't know who invited Ricky Gervais to host the Globes for the 5th time, but can I just say, genius. Thank you. We all deserved this opening monologue. We, the people, deserved to watch these pompous, glittering twits have their perfectly lipo-suctioned buttocks roasted. Additionally, these pompous, glittering twits deserved to have their perfectly lipo-suctioned buttocks roasted. Hollywood's self-important wanker stankers lecture the rest of us all year long about how we're living our lives, about the kind of morals we support, the facts we adhere to. And there they are, all triggered and "ooohing" when Gervais mentioned their friend Epstein who too many men in that audience had on their "favorites" probably even after their bestie got whacked. Here's looking at you, fugly old men without game.

It's just too bad little Jeff wasn't around to see this set. Alas, he knew too much about Hollywood's penchant for pinching prepubescent girls and had to be taken out back and Old Yellered. Don't worry, just as you won't see a movie about Harvey Weinstein, you won't see Hollywood touch Jeffrey Epstein. Which is more than I can say for Epstein touching Hollywood.

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