Not sorry, but I've watched this video and the collection it belongs to —
Idiot vs. Motorized Vehicle Much Larger Than Idiot
— going on five times now. What can I say, I'm a creature of habit. All you need to know is, some 17-25ish years ago, one man and one woman had a passionate night and brought into this world a dumb. The subject of tonight's video, let's call him Kaden since that sounds like a name of a Gen X couple sublimating their lack of personality onto their child, decided to do the planking challenge on a police cruiser. Crusier? Not sure what the lingo is for a Charger. I'm happy for you to correct me but only after you watch today's BLM hero Kaden in Sacramento, California get somersaulted up and over only to bellyflop on the asphalt.
As always, a reminder: you're not a bad person for enjoying this. You're just a person with eyes.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Keep scrolling for a second version of the video from a non suspended account)
Go ahead, you know you want to. Play it again. It's okay. Your computer or more likely your iPhone are safe spaces. Well not really, but you know what I mean.
On the sixth rewatching it actually looks like Kaden didn't plank so much as wormed. Then once the vehicle took over, Kaden lost control, Isaac Newton stepped in, and a little gravity action brought our hapless hero to a surface most unyielding: terra firma. That's when onlookers decided to scream bloody murder like they'd never seen all the other previous videos in this series.
But wait, because I have another angle. I'm like Santa Claus today. You'll want the sound on for this sucker.
Today wasn't so bad after all.
PSA to idiots all over this movement: you're pathetic sacks of flesh and are no match for cars of any size. Remember that though you may feel emboldened by the cause for which you think you're fighting, you're just one stupid decision away from turning into a human pancake. A process someone will film, someone will upload, and sick souls like me will find endlessly entertaining.
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