Move over, Tom Cruise. You're not the only one with a million dollar smile. For behold, Nick Sandmann , the boy who smirked at a toothless, drum-banging person of indigenous something or other, is making to sue five additional media outlets. CNN recently settled with Sandmann, paying out probably millions for falsely reporting on Sandmann , and the money rain dance isn't ending there. Brace for impact, ABC, CBS , New York Times and Rolling Stone . You're about to get get the scary treatment from the mischievous smirker's legal team.

From Fox 19 :

COVINGTON, Ky. (FOX19) - Covington Catholic student Nick Sandmann intends to file complaints with the intent to sue five additional media outlets following an incident at the March For Life in 2019.

On Feb. 24, Sandmann’s attorneys submitted a status report with the U.S. District Court in Covington which stated that they intend to file complaints against Gannett, ABC, CBS, The New York Times and Rolling Stone before March 9.

“All of the future defendants listed above have published or republished statements made by Nathan Phillips and others that Nicholas blocked or otherwise restricted Phillips’ free movement and would not allow Phillips to retreat at the National Mall on January 18, 2019. Nicholas reserves his right to file complaints in this is Court or any other court against any other potential defendant not listed above, subject to the applicable statute of limitations,” the report reads.

Shorter Sandmann legal defense: y'all failed journalism, spread falsehoods about our client, and now our client wants the option to buy a few houses, maybe a couple of nice cars, possibly a private jet. That's what you get when you essentially assassinate a person's character (I believe this is called "character defamation") in the pursuit of painting white Trump supporters as the modern day version of Paradise Lost.

Because let's be realistic for a second. Imagine you're Nick Sandmann and you apply for a job. The first thing a smart employer is does is Google you. It's free, it's easy, it's what we all do if we're being honest. What do you think will come back for Nick Sandmann from now until the great EMP wipes out all digital communications? Hit after hit after hit about He Who Smirked. Reminder, Nick Sandmann was just a high school student when a toothless, possibly drug-addicted Squanto-wannabe, banged a drum in his face and media lost its collective bladders.

Here's hoping Nick Sandmann makes it rain media cash. Get those dolla-dolla bills, son.

And media: maybe do a little journalism next time and save yourself the headache of shelling out your cash to a teenager whose life you tried to ruin.

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