A distracted driver crashed head first (I swear, that's an unintentional pun) into a Fed Ex truck in Florida. He wasn't on his cellphone. There wasn't a squirrel running away with an entire slice of pizza that caught his eye. But the man was with his girlfriend, and they were feeling frisky. Body parts were hanging out. Her head was between him and the steering wheel while he was getting...well, you know. One thing leads to another, then CRASH!

Woman performing oral sex on driver causes vehicle crash into FedEx truckyoutu.be

What I love most is that the title of the corresponding news story is "Woman performing oral sex on driver causes vehicle to crash into FedEx truck, officials say." As if the woman is the one responsible for the crash here. And not the driver. He was receiving oral sex against his own volition. Now, because of the girl he was with and NOT his own actions, his perfect driving record is out the window.

The two people in the SUV (the sex machine) were discovered naked. Both of them. Not just the driver. Which only leaves more questions than it does provides answers. There were also two people in the FedEx truck, believed to be fully clothed. They received only minor injuries. The woman is fine. The SUV driver only received minor injuries to his private area. It could have been a lot worse. Thankfully this wasn't a The World According to Garp situation where she bit it clean off.

It's funny because this happened to someone else. I'll admit, I'm a little impressed. I've always viewed what the kids call "road head" much like the "Mile High Club," which is the act of having sex in an airplane bathroom. It's a great idea in concept. In practice, when you factor in spatial discrepancies, not so much. But hey, good for this guy! He's now a legend.

The Louder with Crowder Dot Com Website is on Instagram now!Follow us at @lwcnewswire and tell a friend!

The Sturgeon Suicides | Louder With Crowderyoutu.be