I've got a bone to pick it some of you. Specifically, some of you in Washington DC. Because there had to be someone else in Sheetz while a shoplifter tried to fight her way out of a store with a can of feminine deodorant. We should not be learning about the incident from the police station's Facebook page. How we SHOULD be learning about it is your video of the incident that went viral.

Yet, here we all are.

Our antagonist is Ebony Jones. Ebony did not feel like paying for things. A total of $20 worth of things. So, Jones attempted to leave the store with the unpaid merchandise when she was stopped by an employee. Had Ebony handed over the $20 worth of stolen merchandise, she could have left the store of her own recognizance with at worst a lifetime ban from Sheetz.

Instead, when faced with fight or flight, she chose fight.

With a can of feminine deodorant.

The victim advised Jones attempted to steal over $20 worth of items. When store employees attempted to stop Jones, she sprayed an employee with an aerosol can. She then left the store. Deputy Crossett asked Jones about the incident and she confirmed she attempted to steal the items then sprayed the employee with feminine deodorant.

Jones now finds herself held without bail and charged with larceny and assault and battery. At this time it is unclear if the feminine deodorant was one of the items Ebony was stealing. And if so, exactly how funky her lady parts were to be this desperate.

Also unclear is when the free market decided we, as American consumers, needed so many options of deodorant meant exclusively for our private areas. I see a ton of commercials as of late.

The real shame falls on the other Sheetz customers who never filmed Ebony squaring off with the employees, armed with nothing but a can of XtraCare. Shoplifting fails are among our most favorite content. Please think of the internet next time.

Editor’s Note

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