Take a knee all whiney ye pansies who enter here:

Last week, Cosmopolitan set the internet ablaze like it was devil's night when they decided to join the left's War on Halloween™ (see Comedian Owen Benjamin Perfectly Mocks Liberals Ruining Halloween and Bill Maher Hilariously Destroys Anti-Halloween PC Liberals!). A war wherein they also fight such atrocities as - gasp - Disney Princesses. In this case, little white girls dressed as Moana. GET BACK SATAN.

Why dress as Moana? Simple: she's their favorite Disney princess. She's the most popular Disney princess right now. Oh, and she's also Polynesian. Hence the whole trying to shame white girls from dressing up like her.

Pro-tip for Cosmo, stick to quizzes about how to keep a man. Best practices for faking an orgasm. Hard-hitting journalism, that.

This blurb made me feel particularly stabby:

If your Caucasian son or daughter doesn't get to be exactly what they wanted for Halloween, encourage them to take a step back and realize that they're awash in privileges that the real Moanas and Tianas of the world will likely never see, because the world is full of racist assholes.

So just racist assholes. As opposed to assholes such as someone who wants to shame little girls for dressing up as a princess on Halloween? Want to get my assholes appropriately sorted. As I mentioned earlier, it's a war on Disney princesses specifically, because it references this article:

We saw both films within the month and, in early August, she declared that she wanted to be “Elsa” from “Frozen” this Halloween, and “Moana” the following Halloween. I had some reservations regarding both costume choices…about cultural appropriation and the power/privilege carried by Whiteness, and about Whiteness and standards of beauty…and so our conversations began.

Reminder: we're talking about animated characters created in a studio, voiced by women. Whose long flowing hair is programmed by engineers. Neither Elsa nor Moana are, in fact, real. We can say the same for capitalized "Whiteness" used as a kind of curse word.

Since her 2017 Halloween choice was, in fact, Elsa, I returned to this costume choice and shared: “There is one thing I don’t like about the character of Elsa. I feel like because Elsa is a White princess, and we see so many White princesses, her character sends the message that you have to be a certain way to be “beautiful” or to be a “princess”…that you have to have White skin, long, blonde hair, and blue eyes. And I don’t like that message. You are White, like Elsa—if you dressed up as a character like Moana, who has brown skin, you would never change your skin color. But I’m not sure I like the idea of you changing your hair color to dress up as Elsa—because I think Elsa’s character could also be a short, brown-haired character like you.”

“No,” my daughter refuted. “I want you to make be a long, blonde braid like Elsa’s.”

Good for you, five year old girl, for refusing to let it go...

I apologize for nothing. Even you bros who are shaking your fists at me like ogres. Don't lie, you know a few lyrics.

Here's why this all bothers me. My niece? LOOOOOOVES Disney princesses. Note that byline (John Porter here, at your triggering service). She plays dress up whenever she can, and wears the dresses out to stores. Or just in public. She wears them constantly. She basically learned to talk watching Frozen. The smile on her face when she met princesses at Disney World this summer can't be described. But if I were trying, like a leftist raiding the Koch brother's stash. While high on legalized pot.

If you have a little girl in your family you know the struggle to pass any kind of Elsa or Moana display, with little girl in tow, is akin to a seventh wonder of the world. It also empties your wallet if you're the Uncle, because you need to be the cool one and that's not cheap.

What kind of a mean-spirited, terrible curmudgeon do you have to be to take that happiness away from a child - YOUR child - just for the sake of pushing a political agenda? An agenda no one outside your prissy Facebook group, and canvas-tote carrying Prius drivers, actually cares about. It's heartless. It'd be like if every time my niece wanted to play with light sabers or superheroes (which she does), I gave her a lecture about how leftists are trying to ruin anything Star Wars or comic book, and here... Try on this Make America Great Again hat. Know your race, child.

And yes, I know typical white leftists will claim cultural appropriation is MOAR heartless. Fine. If you want to raise a kid to be the one with no friends because she's not fun to be around? You gotta do you, boo. But do you have to inflict your misery on your kid?

Remember when Halloween, a holiday which has become an excuse to dress as something else and eat sugar, used to be fun? What was so wrong with that?

~ Written by John Porter, edited by Courtney Kirchoff

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