Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble with liberal rage. A hex is brewing tonight. A cover of old Wiccan battle-axes from across the world are gathering to blabber nonsense and burn stuff. Not to be confused with your local feminist book club. The witches cause? To curse Trump. Or more accurately, to “bind” him. Yes really. This is real life…
A document making its rounds among the witch community is asking people who practice the craft to perform a monthly binding ritual until the president is removed from office. The first one is happening on Friday and will be followed by similar spell cast events. The spell instructions have gone viral.
[A witch] suggests reading the 23rd Psalm aloud before beginning the spell by lighting a white candle. “Hear me, oh spirits… I call upon you to bind Donald J. Trump so that he may fail utterly…”
Performing the spell takes a good deal of dedication, including amassing the following:
- Unflattering photo of Trump
- Tower tarot card
- Tiny stub of an orange candle or orange carrot
- White candle
- Matches or lighter
Ah, yes. The key element here is the unflattering photo of the one you intend to bind to a lifetime of eternal suffering. It must be paired with a chanting of the 25th Psalm, “May your double chins be ever present in all of the photos your friends tag you in on Facebook!” Take that, puritan.
I would like to append the list, if I may be so bold:
- the toenails of a feminist known for molesting her sister
- the abhorrent cackling of a muted pig
- the second season of Firefly
- a tranny wearing 27 dresses, all at once
It’s important to note there’s a lot of toil and troubling going on with little to no explanation as to why. I guess the universal hatred of all things orange and leaderly can be assumed here. Speaking of which… Look, leftists, this may just be reason enough to be convinced of your losing grips on both reality and the American public. Let’s have a looksie at the chaps on “your side.” Looters and pillagers, Satanists, Michael Moore, now this league of haggardly crones.
We’ve said so before, we say again: the fringe left has gone mainstream. The story of the She Witch Coven who’ll be hexing the Donald? The story came from HuffPo. Not the National Enquirer. HuffPo. Yes, yes, we mock HuffPo whenever the weather permits (always), but a story like this is one they considered worthy of their publication. Think about it.
Also, whenever I wrote about Hillary I always referred to her as a witch. I was joking. But then… this.
It’s all rather embarrassing for the left. But nothing that can’t be sage-smudged away by a good ole binding. Trashwizards of the world unite!