For the record, if you're a parent and you think your child could learn a thing or two from men dressed in drag, I have news for you: God made a mistake in making you a parent. Further, if you sat in a library and watched as a man dressed in drag twerked for your children, then laughed instead of realizing the error of your entire life up to that moment, find the nearest puddle and drown yourself in it. If none is available to you, find a water fountain. Make a puddle. Inhale.

If you think I'm making up the drag queen teaching children to twerk, feast thine eyes:

Casual reminder that I'm not a reporter and this site is a commentary site. I'm not sure from which library this came, when it was recorded, or who recorded it. But with people like Jessica Yaniv out there bragging about getting periods in pools, and the litany of other drag queen horrors out there, I'm inclined to believe this is 100 percent real.

The main question I need answered is at what point parents, or people who claim to care about the children working at this library, were so fresh out of ideas, they thought a man dressed as an ugly woman was in any way valuable to children. What conversation led to that moment?

Here's how I think it sounded:

Shitty Parent One: How about we teach children how to be honorable, responsible human beings? We can invite them to our local library, filled with books and thus, knowledge, and guide them through life. We want our babes to be curious, insightful, courteous to one another, and to respect this beautiful thing called life. What could possibly fill such a tremendous role in one afternoon so we can go outside and smoke?

Shitty Parent Two: Hmmm... what about inviting a possible pedophile who twerks?

Shitty Parent One:

"Twerking Drag Queen" should only be an answer in Cards Against Humanity. Not how to teach your child anything other than how to grow up with an enormous therapy bill, if not a stretched-out butt hole.

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