Sometimes, s**t happens. In this case, I’m not speaking in a figurative sense. Unfortunately.
If you’ve eaten in the past hour, I would recomend coming back to this later. There’s a part of this you aren’t going to be happy with me for sharing. Then again, you’re the one who clicked a link that includes the words “vegan” and “poop.” Obviously a vegan protester covered in feces outside a Trader Joe’s intrested you in some way. Hey, to each their own.
The woman, Cassie King, was protesting at the store on Fourth Street in San Francisco’s SoMa neighborhood over conditions at farms that supply eggs to Trader Joe’s. A recent investigation by Direct Action Everywhere allegedly found starving chickens living amid heaps of their own waste at a supplier in Michigan.
“The supposedly ‘humane’ eggs sold at Trader Joe’s come from birds who lived their entire lives in piles of waste,” King said, adding that deceptive labels “mislead consumers into paying for cruelty.”
Here’s the part I warned you about:
Most people, when confronted with a steaming pile of poopy, go running in the direction of clothespins and cans of Lysol. On the other hand, this vegan protester loon actually looks comfortable taking a siesta on a pile of dung. Folks, this is your brain on soy.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say zero people chose to go sans eggs after seeing this craptastic display. In fact, I’m actually in the mood for an omelette right about now. One with meat. Lots of meat. Sausage, ham and bacon. A triple threat. Seems as though the protester’s grandstanding gesture had the opposite effect.
The moral of the story is a lack of nutrients found in tasty animal flesh wreaks havoc on your brain, causing you to do silly things. Like ramming chicken trucks. Sending hate-mail to Starlord. Using excrement as your personal mattress.
The next time one of your friends tries peer-pressuring you into partaking of a tofu-burger, just say no.