Oh you vegans and your hangry ways. It’s not that we’re specifically targeting you for mockery, it’s that to avoid mocking you would cause physical pain. Unlike most vegans, we are not gluttons for punishment. Allow me to introduce you to this vegan honeysuckle in Perth, Australia. She’s suing her neighbors because she believes they are purposefully sending the sweet scents of smoked meats into her yard. Deliberately. This is why we call vegans insane, irrational, angry loons who might be allergic to joy.
Cilla Carden, from Girrawheen, in Perth’s northern suburbs said she’s fed up with the smell of meat cooking on the barbecue next door.
Show of hands. Who thinks the smell of BBQ meat is better than even the smell of cold cash? That’s what I thought.
“They’ve put it there so I smell fish, all I can smell is fish. I can’t enjoy my backyard, I can’t go out there.”
But it’s not just the smoked meats. Cilla Carden also doesn’t like the sound of basketballs being bounced. Which I completely understand, especially considering how close these neighbors are to each other. That said, in order to “keep the peace” the neighbor actually removed the barbecue and told his kids to stop smacking the ball around. Proving he’s a nicer guy than this vegan fecal transplanter upset over a neighbor’s choice in cooking techniques.
So it should’ve been over, done with, and all parties moving onto happier lives. Right? Wrong. Carden is now upset with the neighbor on the other side of the meat-eating, basketball-playing piker.
The neighbour, who wanted to remain anonymous, said: “Ms Carden’s demands were proven to be not reasonable and indeed were to the detriment of the other owners’ ability to enjoy their lots in a reasonable and acceptable manner.”
The legal battle isn’t over as Ms Carden vows to return to court to continue the fight against her neighbours.
What a little peach blossom. Bet she’s a real hootenanny at block parties.
Listen, living in close proximity to others is a pain. No getting around it. Everyone in those circumstances would do well to understand what it means to be a polite neighbor (like no bouncing a ball at night or early morning) but also understanding people have a right to live in their own dwellings, which includes smoking meat unless the condo bylaws say otherwise.
There is such a thing as a reasonable vegan as there is such a thing as a silent CrossFitter. They’re rarities, but they exist. And no, CrossFitters aren’t vegans. That’s a stupid joke. Anyway, “reasonable” vegans will tell you that not all vegans are hateful poop truffles on the lookout to stomp all over people’s lives by acting like even more insufferable versions of Verruca Salt. I’ve yet to meet such a vegan, but I’ll concede the point. That in mind, it does seem like many vegans — not necessarily a majority of them — are miserable people who do some pretty insane things. Related: WATCH: Vegans Have Themselves Branded, Beaten in Hopes You’ll Stop Eating Meat and Vegan Parents Arrested After Child Suffers from Debilitating Malnourishment.
It seems people who’ve purposefully deprived themselves of such delicious noms are some of the most angry, sad, petulant little snots this side of human evolution. It’s one thing if a vegan is just miserable on their own, simmering in their own sauce of sad. Your body, your choice, as they say. But vegans like this little flower power daisy are negatively affecting the lives of others. That’s where we’ve got a problem.
Here’s hoping whatever judge gets this case smokes Ms. Carden like a brisket and tells her to move to a vegan commune.